Sinking

I have been praying and praying and praying some more that I will get a real grasp on what God's grace means for me in this crazy, can't-figure-it-out life. It is a jumbled mess in my head most of the time but when I am deep in the Word or as quiet as I can possibly be or sometimes even scrolling through my twitter feed--He speaks. I am trying so desperately to listen and to take hold of what I am hearing.

My dear friend pointed out to me that I am trying really hard to understand everything. It is common for a person to experience tragedy and want desperately to make sense of it all. I'm not even in the midst of a tragedy, but I still want to understand it all. The joys, the gifts, the opportunities...I want to know what is going on and why things are happening the way they are. I can't. We can't. We just can't.

Sigh.

The truth is that all of these things God is working together for good. Of that we can be certain. And the fact that he is making anything good out of us or this world is GRACE defined. The waters of God's grace are deep and as the David Crowder songs says: "If your Grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."

I love this lyric because it captures the hard truth so very well. We can't navigate God's grace. We can only drown in it. We can only let the lungs of our desire to understand be filled with the water of His grace. The living water. In this death we can truly live! We can just rest and let the waters carry us, toss us to and fro, and experience life the way He intends. Every emotion, every delight, every fear, every pain and every uncertainty: through grace we can experience it rather than fight it, study it, or resent it. Instead of trying to make use of the grace or figure it out, we can just let it have us.

1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

I've not been on this earth too long, but with every passing moment I realize more and more (Thank you, Jesus!) that this is not my home. What a tragedy if I thought this was it! The same grace that drowns me here will complete me there. The ocean of grace that I'm drowning in today will carry me right to the feet of Jesus and in the presence of God Almighty. One day I will know. Fully and forever.

Motivated--Not So Much

How do you motivate yourself to workout on days you feel blah and don't want to do anything?

Here are a few things that have helped me:

15 minute week--I can do just about anything for 15 minutes. Sometimes when I am dreading workouts (and in effect not doing them) I will have a "15 minute week" where I only do 15 minutes of activity, but I do it everyday. That way it's not overwhelming, I don't dread it and I end up doing way more than I would have otherwise.

Get a Buddy--This can be a great motivational tool. Go for a walk with a friend. You can easily walk several miles without even realizing you have exercised when you have a buddy to talk with. It is also nice to know someone is going to be meeting you somewhere (you have to go) and you don't have to do it alone.

Purchase good gear--Getting fitted for my running shoes was one of the greatest things ever! Highly recommend doing this if you are going to be doing a lot of walking or running. It just feels better and is best for your body. Also, from time to time I like to get some new shorts or tops to workout in. Yeah, it's superficial but hey--it works.

Journal--Keep a journal of how you feel every time you finish exercising. I am always so refreshed and invigorated. I feel good about myself and what I have accomplished. Today a friend and I were saying that we never remember saying "Oh man, I really wish I hadn't worked out just then." Never happens. On the days it is tempting to stay on the couch, flip through the journal and be reminded of the pay off.

Set a goal--Goals help keep us on track and focused. Signing up for my first half marathon was AWESOME! I knew that if I didn't put in the work every day leading up to that race, then I would not be able to do it. It kept me motivated to get out there every day I needed to and on the days I still wasn't feeling it, I did it anyway knowing there was something bigger at stake.

For me, this is pretty black and white. If I don't work out, I can't lose weight. That has been proven time and time again, most recently over the past few months. We can talk motivation all day long but the bottom line is that we have a choice to take care of the bodies God gave us or not. Simple.

Now, I really need to re-read this and take my own advice!!!

Body Parts

Thank you all so, so much for the post ideas! I am so excited. It's funny because I have been having lots more ideas of my own, too! I will use them all! This is one of the topics: Favorite Body Part and Why. My favorite parts comes last, but here are a few others that I have something to say about, too:

Legs
I love my legs because they are strong. They have been the body part that has shown me I am capable of things I never even dreamed about. I ran 13 miles on my legs! That is hard to believe when I think about how difficult it was for me to even walk a mile in January 2010. My legs have definition that I never knew they could have. I like to feel them. I know that is weird! But I love the way they feel, especially when I shave.

 

Face

The face is special to me. I had gotten to the point where I just didn't look in the mirror any more. I didn't want to see my face. I felt like no matter how perfect I got my make-up or how good my hair looked there was nothing that would make my face easy to look at. It was the most obvious reminder of how far I had let myself go. My face is now more alive and joyful. There is a sparkle in my eyes that I didn't even know was missing until it reappeared.

Stomach
Uhhh. This is not my favorite body part at all. But it is worth writing about. All of my weight sits right in my stomach. I have two stomachs--the upper one (muffin top area) and the lower one (my butt in front). I have tried to think of something positive to say about my stomach. It is the grossest thing ever, but my fat stomach is pretty much what has brought me to my knees and got me started down this long path to finding out who I really am.

Brain
This is my new favorite body part. Many of the lies that crippled this part of me have been cleared out. The brain now enhances my progress rather than hindering it. This part of my body has seen the biggest and most dramatic transformation. Without the changes here, none of the other body parts would have been able to change either. They say the mind is a terrible thing to waste. I would agree. The mind is a beautiful thing to entrust to the truth of God's Word. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

The pattern of this world is to judge by the outward appearance. We all do that to some degree. As much as we try not to, I think it is just part of our human nature. We all want to be loved and accepted and by the world's standards, having beautiful and "standard" parts make that more of a reality. The more that I understand the unconditional acceptance that is available through Christ, the less acceptance by the world matters to me. Knowing that Jesus knew what all of my imperfections would be as he willingly gave his life for me makes the fat rolls and the double chins seem pretty insignificant.

For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

Yesterday we studied Psalms 139. Wow. It speaks of the way that He knows us. The deepest, darkest worst things about us, the ugliest things about us, He knows and he sees. He doesn't care. He loves us. Oh! How he loves us. When God was making us, his focus was on the inmost being--not the legs or the face or anything else.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14)

Listen!!

Help a Girl Out!

I love to write this blog. I love writing, period. I love writing about weight loss, exercise, struggles, transparency, overcoming, spiritual things and really just about anything.  But lately I have had writer's block.

Seriously--I NEED to write to help me with this weight loss thing. Blogging has been so huge! I am praying that God will help me know what to write about and that maybe you guys will be able to help me, too. I would SO appreciate having some reader questions or topic suggestions to go off of.

Can you help me? Pretty please!?

Thank you, friends!

P.S. I feel like this might be kind-of dumb, but oh well.

Fat Heart Healed

I think I'm ready to start this puppy up again. I think. I am eating a bag of Doritos right now. I just had 3 pieces of pepperoni pizza. For a snack.

Yeah. It's time.

I would write this epic long blog post about why I've been gone but who really wants to read that? I will point out one thing. You may not notice unless you are very observant. The tag line under the title of my blog has always been but getting skinnier, everyday. In the beginning of this blog, my only goal was to GET. SKINNY. PERIOD. And so the tag line was pretty appropriate. As the months have gone by, that little line has bothered me more and more.

Last night I was reading the story of Namaan the Leper to my son (from 2 Kings 5). He was a general. A little girl Namaan had kidnapped (and whose family he had had killed) forgave him and had love in her heart for him. She sent him to be healed of his leprosy by Elisha. Elisha told him what to do to be healed by God, but he wouldn't do it. He was too proud. He didn't want to do the simple thing to be healed because it wasn't the way he thought it should or would go. But God knew that Namaan was sicker on the inside than he was on the outside. Namaan thought he didn't need God. His heart didn't work properly--it couldn't feel anything. Naaman had leprosy of the heart. Out of his great mercy and grace, God was not only going to heal Namaan's skin but he was going to heal his heart, too. Namaan finally gave in and did what God said. So it was that a very sick man was healed all because of a little girl who forgave him.

As I sat, today, thinking of what in the world I was going to do about this blog, it hit me. I am Namaan. Jesus is the little girl. And God has healed me. Not only was there fat on my body but there was fat on my heart. In Matthew 13:15, Jesus speaks to his disciples about people with "fat hearts":

For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.

I have been healed from the inside out and I will spend the rest of my days proclaiming this good news. I have a story to tell! 

If anything is ever accomplished through my blog or in my life, Lord, let it be this:

"He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

And my joy will be complete.