I Heart NYC

Today marks 10 years of marriage for my husband and me. We spent last Friday through Tuesday in New York City to celebrate! We had so much fun. We kind of consider NYC "our city" so when we were trying to decide where to go for an anniversary trip at Christmastime, the Big Apple seemed like the perfect place. I dug up a photo of myself from the last time we were there a couple of years ago. Even with my big coat and many layers on you can see that there was much less of me this time! It's so much easier to go 90 to nothin' for 5 days straight at a healthier weight.

I had to take a mirror pick in our sweet hotel. It is a favorite place for us to stay--very cheap, clean and quiet. Here's a picture of the Chelsea Lodge:

So quaint.

We were in a restaurant in Harlem, Melba's, about to eat fried chicken and waffles. It was really good. We were a little out of control with the food we ate. Over the course of 5 days I ate: pretzel (street vendor), burger and fries (Burger Joint), nachos and hot fudge sundae (Serendipity), fried chicken & pancakes (Melba's), Pizza (Grimaldi's), Banana Walnut muffin (Murray's Bagels), 4 types of pasta, lots of bread, tiramisu (Carmines), Barbecue Potato Chips w/ bacon blue-cheese dip, Pork ribs and macaroni&cheese (Blue Smoke), Bagel w/ raisin walnut cream cheese (random bakery), Fish n' chips (A Salt & Battery), 1/2 burger and nachos (Ellen's Stardust Diner), bacon, eggs, hash browns, English muffin (Highliner Diner), 1/2 quesadilla (airport), buffalo chicken salad (Buffalo Wild Wings). The END. Needless to say I've been scared to get on the scale since we returned but I enjoyed every bite of everything I put in my mouth. So no regrets, but I am happy to return to healthy eating.

This is at the Top of the Rock (similar to view from Empire State Building but less crowded).  This was my favorite outfit of my trip. ;)

These are our travelling buddies having a hot fudge sundae at the famed Serendipity III. This summer we were sitting at the same table at a wedding reception of a mutual acquaintance. Not really knowing each other that well, we were making small talk when the topic of our upcoming anniversary came up. I'm not sure what exactly happened but before the night was over we were ready to book our trip for 4 to NYC. Our families have had fun spending lots of time together since that wedding and planning our trip. We look forward to making many more memories with them. I love the way the Lord brought our families together. You might call it "serendipitous." ;)

Lara and I drank A LOT of coffee. This was by far the prettiest Starbucks I have ever seen.

This is the new Freedom Tower being built near ground zero. It is already soaring higher than all the other buildings around it and it is only half way built! I can not imagine how tall that thing is going to be! This photo is kind of misleading--you have to realize that I took the photo from a 38th story window of another building. That is the roof of another high rise sitting at what looks like the base of the Freedom Tower.

You can see the Freedom tower in the background here as we are riding the ferry to Staten Island. It will be twice that tall when completed. Sorry to be repetitive, but WOW.

Looking forward to many more anniversaries with this guy.

A nerd eating Nerds.

I love NYC.

No Turning Back

This summer I became overwhelmingly convicted  to turn away from sinful patterns that were ruling over me. Serious. I was super-duper serious. And Satan knew it. Almost immediately after I had committed to repentance, Satan began to attack. 

He got in my head and convinced me that I could never walk in freedom over this sin of idolatry (looking to food to bring the comfort, security and joy that only God can provide.) He convinced me that I was being too legalistic in wanting to overcome this and that I didn't need to pursue putting this sin to death. (Read: "Eat whatever you want. It's fine." Sound familiar? Genesis 3, anyone?) Needless to say, Satan made a very alluring case and I bought it.

But tonight I've decided that I'm not buying it anymore. Nope. The promise of God is that He will set me free. FREE. No chains, no oppression, but freedom. I'm not trying to earn anything. I'm not hoping to please anyone. I'm not even trying to get into a pair of jeans. All I want to do, by His grace, is express the love that I have for my Savior by obeying him. If in that process I earn things or please people or fit into a size 6, then so be it. I probably will. But that is not why.

The Lord has shown me what is good for my body--what makes me feel and function my best. He has taught me how to plan and cook healthfully. He has provided money for my family to be able to buy food. He has granted me a schedule and a spouse that are both very conducive to allowing me a near-daily workout. He has blessed me with two precious bundles of energy to care for. He has given me the ability to learn scripture. He has promised to provide a way out of every temptation that I face. He sits at the right hand of the Father and prays for me without ceasing. Not only has He shown me what to do but he has explained to me why I need to do it. We all know parents don't have to do that, but He did. Grace.

There is no reason in the world that I should not walk in the ways that he has clearly made known to me. In doing so not only will I be protected and blessed, I will be loving Him. I will be abiding in Him. I look forward to the days ahead and pray that each one draws me nearer, ever nearer to my Jesus. Joy will abound.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

*I should mention, for any new readers, that my method of weight loss is simply to exercise most days and eat a balanced diet as suggested on http://www.choosemyplate.gov/index.html. This is the way that I should eat for the rest of my life--its not a special diet. When I eat this way, I lose weight. I imagine when my body gets to a healthy weight I will stop losing. So far I have lost about 60 lbs and have about 30 to go.

Haircut

My hair is one thing that has always received praise. No matter how heavy I got, the hair was still "so pretty". The one thing that I knew was accepted and approved of by the world was my hair, so the longer the better. The more covered in goodness and prettiness I felt. Sad. What a false sense of self! That without my hair there was nothing of worth about me? I mean, that seems kind of dramatic, but that is the bottom line.

This weekend I went in for"just a trim", of course, but as I was sitting there these words that I had read earlier in the week about who I really am came to mind:

"You are a child of God. You are the Bride of Christ. You belong to the King--you are royalty. Dress and conduct yourself in a way that reflects your high and holy calling. God has called you out of this world's system--don't let the world press you into it's mold. Don't think, dress, or act like the world; inwardly and outwardly, let others see the difference he makes in your life." Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I realized that I would really like to cut my hair short, but the idea scared me because of the reasons I stated above. Going against what felt safe, I told her to keep cutting. When I had to close my eyes and cringe as the scissors began to do their work, I realized just how out-of-hand this had gotten. My hair had become some kind of false security. Cool thing? The more she trimmed, the more liberated I felt. The shorter and shorter it got, the more I felt that I was coming out of hiding. I actually left the salon, decided I needed more of it gone, went back and got the rest of it whacked off!

I can't really explain this experience. It was so refreshing. I'm not suggesting that everyone run out and get their hair cut off, that's totally not the point. The point is, are we hiding? Are we hiding behind things that we think are protecting us, but in reality they are doing no such thing.

I think its possible that what we need to lose more than anything else, are the ideas that have been etched on our hearts by the world. Be yourself and don't be afraid to be different! Don't be afraid to let go of something that you've been holding onto for a very long time. What if the truth is that it's actually holding you?

What false beliefs do we use to hide our REAL selves? Please share!

Hope

To the person who went through a Drive-thru after work then went home and had dinner, too...

To the mom who sat on the couch all day long watching TV and wishing she could wear her pre-baby jeans...

To the person who is so miserable at work they ate their way through the day...

To the person who woke up this morning and said, "Today will be the day!" and it wasn't...

To the person who just ate a gallon of ice cream while watching the Biggest Loser...

To the person who feels like no one likes them or wants to be around them...

To the person who is just so. very. tired.

To the person who's entire outlook on life for today was determined by what the scale said this morning...

To the person who wants desperately to make the right choices, but cannot.

If you are that person, just know that:

You are not the only one.

There is more to life than looking cute in jeans. (See baby)

We can ask for our desires and attitudes to be changed, the Lord can do it. Think miracle.

Progress is to always begin again.

The next second is the first second of the rest of your life.

Your worth does not come from the opinions and approval of others. You were created for a purpose. you are VALUABLE and dearly loved. Never forget that.

There is One who will provide rest for your weary soul.

In 30...40...50 years from now, what the scale says will not matter. What will? Think about those things first in the morning, not the blasted scale. Before you step on the scale, consider what truly matters in life. Give thanks. Then step on the scale if you must. :)

Life is war. Spirit of God vs. flesh of man. Spoiler: Spirit of God wins!  One day...one minute...one spoonful of frosting at a time. Whatever. We have been given a spirit of self-control. I am choosing to believe it.

This is NOT over. We can do this! Keep fighting and keep believing. Never give up. I'm not.

Love to all!

Progress Put in Perspective

I've been getting bogged down. In the details and the requirements and the failures and the frustration of this stuff. I've been getting reeeeally bogged down. :)  Time to snap out of it!

For some reason I was prompted to graph out my weight over the past 10 years and get some perspective on this thing. So I did it. The graph below starts in 1998 when I was a senior in High School. I gained a few pounds between graduation and my wedding, but what began to happen after that is startling. I averaged a 10 pound weight gain each year. For nearly 10 years! Take a look:

Then in 2009, something remarkable happened. The gaining came to a halt, did a complete U turn and began a glorious descent back toward health. It is truly remarkable. To see it like this causes me to be so awestruck at the turn-around that a stagnant year doesn't really seem to matter at all. In fact, as one of my readers pointed out not to long ago--it could be worse...I could have gained.

I decided next, to create a graph that would show what it would look like if I had continued to gain weight at the rate of 10 pounds per year. Scary:

If this had been the case, I would weigh 250 pounds today (I weigh 170lbs). There is no doubt in my mind that is where I would be.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain...Corinthians 15:10

Creating these graphs has been so good for me! I SO needed to see this. We celebrate the victories as they happen, but we need to remind ourselves of them everyday. The victories have power when they happen--but they have power afterwards too. To remember that point where something clicked deep within me and there was no turning back--that is powerful! To think of where I was and to think of where I might be?! That is powerful. To be reminded what can happen when you string a whole bunch of "begin agains" together. Powerful!

There is a huge parallel going on here--I just can't ignore it. Can you see it?! First of all--this is what God wants to do in each of our lives. By grace, through faith (that he provides so that no one can boast) he literally lifts us up out of defeat and death. We become new. We are remade. The old IS GONE, the new comes in. A U-turn happens and life is never the same.

Second of all, those who are in Christ need to remember the power involved in the U-turn, every day. When I remember how miraculously that happened, how can I get bogged down in the details and the requirements and the failures and the frustration of not doing good enough?  I can't. This is the power of the gospel, not only in the moment of salvation but for all eternity.

It is the power to begin again every single day. To remember that He did what I can not do. That in Christ, there is nothing I can ever do to make him love me more and nothing I have ever done that will make him love me less. That if I never progress another inch, his spectacular progress all the way to the cross is enough for me. That my worth has already been established, when Jesus died for me, and it can never be changed because he said "It is finished."

Swimming deeper and into these gospel waters is the only thing that captivates me more than my flesh. Indeed, greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world! (1 John 4:4) When I think about these things, food seems so trivial. The way others treat me doesn't matter as much. How well I am doing isn't a huge issue. Stuffing my face seems pointless. The glory of God, in the face of Jesus Christ, shines so brightly that these things become dim and insignificant. Can you say freedom?!

Ironically, it is the food and the people and my lack of progress and the face stuffing that send me back to the edge again and again. But that's the point of it. To remind me who I am (nothing) and who He is (everything). I forget that. A lot.

In the gospel, there is power to overcome myself. There is power to do hard things. There is power to experience something better than I ever dreamed of or hoped for...and it hasn't a thing to do with the scale. It is the power to live, fully. It is the power to know what is REAL.

I need to think about it everyday so I can keep going. So if you keep reading, I'll keep reminding. I love you all and I pray that your progress is in Christ.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes...Romans 1:16