February 28, 2011

What Do You Do?

What do you do when...

You feel like eating really bad food and the craving won't go away?
Sometimes I give into the craving. I do it a lot more now than I used to. {I am losing a lot less weight now than I used to.} I also have to take into consideration how often I am giving in to the cravings. If I just gave in to a pizza craving last night, I know I can't give into an ice cream craving tonight. I rest in knowing that occasionally I am able to enjoy indulgent treats. Sometimes just going to sleep takes care of the craving, though.

You gave it your all and the scale didn't reflect it?
I try to stay objective. I try to remember that it always evens out in the long run. I try to remember that the scale does not have the ultimate say about my health and well-being. I try to focus on what I did right and I try to press on. Notice I used the word 'try' a lot. Sometimes I just have a pity party. But I always move on.

Your legs feel like dead weight when you are running?
I focus on something else. I try to come up with blog posts while I am running. I have taken prayer requests before. Once my phone died and I had no music. So I prayed for every single person that I know (It seemed like) out loud while running down the highway. I have a great play list and each song has a special message that I can focus on while I am running. Sometimes, no matter what, it still hurts and it's hard. Everyone would be doing it if that weren't the case.

Your efforts are not being noticed by others?
For people who have quite a bit to lose, like I did, it can take up to 30 pounds or so for others to really notice. I have always been a fan of taking pictures so even when others weren't noticing, I had the confirmation of my pictures to assure me that things were definitely changing. Once you have lost a lot and the weekly losses begin to taper off, people quit noticing as much. The compliments are fewer and further between. Even though that hasn't necessarily been the driving force in my weight loss, you do get used to hearing the remarks and the positive feedback. It can leave you wondering if it is worth going on if no one notices. Well, it is.

You have no motivation
First, I pray for my motivation to come back. I depend heavily on a steady supply of God's grace for my motivation. There is not an ounce of me that likes exercise. I am convinced that's Jesus in me who likes the running from time to time. I also read blogs and look back at my old posts. I go shopping :) I focus on where I've been and where I am now. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I don't do the things I know I need to. I wait for the motivation to come back and try not to fall completely off the wagon in the meantime. The motivation alway returns, eventually. Just remember: the motivation will return!

You don't feel like exercising?
Oh boy. Let's see, there is this tennis shoe company...they have a saying....it goes along with a little swoosh logo. Hmm....what is that they say? Oh, yeah. JUST DO IT.

You gain weight?
Tough one. I am on a mission to lose weight and yet, I gain? I know there are people who have had different experiences, but honestly I've never had a mystery gain. I can always pinpoint the reason for a gain. I have had plenty of "up weeks" in the past year and the only thing you really can do is just build a big 'ol bridge. I remember the very first time I had to post a gain for a weekly weigh-in on the blog. I didn't like it. I never like it when I gain. I think as long as you have a healthy dislike for gaining it will be okay.

You have to eat out a lot?
I come up with a plan and stick to it. I don't allow my mind to wander. I don't think about all the food on the menu. I am not afraid to ask for child's portions and give special instructions (no butter, dressing on the side, sub veggies for potatoes, etc.) Most importantly I am prepared for unexpected results on the scale. No matter how "good" I am when eating out, especially if it is a lot in a short amount of time like when I'm on a trip, I know that if anyone other than me is preparing my food I forfeit the benefit of knowing exactly, 100% what I am eating.

You are in the middle of a binge and you wish you hadn't started?
I stop. I spit food out, I throw entire cartons of ice cream and pans of cake away. I toss chips and pour water into casseroles. I embrace the idea that half a binge is better than a whole binge. I look at myself in the mirror and see the food smeared on my face and my jaws moving at warp speed. I stop. In dealing with this very irrational disorder I know that any moment of rationality has to be grasped. If there is a small window of clarity--JUMP! I have never regretted cutting a binge short.

You have to cook for people who don't like healthy food?
Sometimes I just make the healthy food and hope they like it. If they don't I think, "oh well, I just added a day to your life." :) Sometimes I make the unhealthy food for them and the healthy food for me. Sometimes I eat the unhealthy food too. I just do the last one less than the other two. Most important--I quit letting this be an excuse not to take responsibility for my own well-being.

You totally blow an entire day?
Ah, well. You know, worse things could happen. I could be dead. I could be starving. I could be living in a war zone...I don't dwell on it. I just briefly wish it didn't happen and then I move on. I try not to let it happen again for a while. I remember that one day doesn't matter as much as a whole bunch of days so I try my best to make the most of most of my days.

You want to quit?
I can't quit. It's not even a thought that enters my mind. What am I going to do? Go back to eating bacon burgers and doing steady intervals of sleeping and watching TV!? That's not living. That's dying a very slow, sad, empty death. I know in my "knowing place" that this is life for me. Forever and always; for better or worse. Quitting is off the table.
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February 27, 2011

Progress Pics



Cleaning out drawers today and this is what I found! One of the first pair of jeans I was trying to "work my way" into. If you've been following for a while, you may recall my How To Dress Your Muffin series...

Yikes:


Yes, the muffin top jeans would now probably hold two of me inside!


Ahh. The face.

The first face is when I still weighed over 200 lbs. The second face was taken just a few days ago.


The thing is, I already had "the twinkle" in the first picture. I already knew where I was headed and most importantly that I would get there. I still have the twinkle and it still represents the same thing--hope for what is to come.

And I'm not just talking about the hope of smaller jeans.

1 Corinthians 15:19
If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.
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February 26, 2011

Every Party Has Its Thorn

It's hard to believe that it's been over a year since I began the pursuit to lose weight and victories such as the one I had last night are still so important to me. One might think (I would have thought) that by now going to a party and being able to control myself would be easy. Well, it's not.

A few weeks ago I went to a different party. I took my healthy food contribution which stuck out like a sore thumb compared to all the other delectable items. All of my favorites were there: sausage balls, cheese dip, spinach artichoke dip (hot and cold varieties), hot ham and cheese sandwiches with buttery mustard topping...okay I'll stop. But you get the idea!?

I went in there thinking I got this and left thinking I SO don't "got this." You know the term falling off the wagon? Well, I actually jumped off head first and dove into the stone cold ground of gorging. Ouch. (literally--I was up most of the night. Ugh.) That jump, which would have been a catalyst for giving up in the past, was just a brief albeit painful reminder that I am what I am by the grace of God. I have not arrived. And I need those reminders.

I should not be surprised because I have already established that the thorn in my side will probably always be an inclination toward over-eating. That is a far better than what I used to think my thorn was! <---One of my all time favorite posts.

But it's still a pesky thorn and it is ever before me. (Psalm 51:3) I'm not sure why I think I'm going to wake up one day and just be done with it. God has already assured me that His grace is sufficient. God is in the restoration business. That's WHO He is. I just need to accept it happens on his timetable, not mine.

Now, back to last night's party. It went great! Safe and secure inside the wagon all night long! I had a HUGE salad on the way to the party. The Lord had provided this for me (my "way out" 1 Corinthians 10:13) just about an hour before we left. My mom had leftovers from a luncheon and brought the beautiful veggie-ful salad to me. I ate it on the way and then when I got there, I focused on people.

I realized that it would have been difficult for me to focus on people a year ago because I was so self-conscious. I wouldn't be able to strike up a conversation for lack of confidence. I would have been focused on my own awkwardness and discomfort. I'm sure my jeans would have been too tight. I would have wanted to sit down and hide away but the waist band would be cutting into my skin so I would be forced to stand. I would be thinking that every one was looking at how gross I was. I would have ended up doing the thing that has always been able to take my mind off of all those things--eat.

But...

My clothes fit. The jeans (size 10 , lest you forget) were even a tad bit loose! It was easy to sit down. It was easy to focus on others because I wasn't focused on myself. I was even able to eat a single mini cupcake and a single chicken fajita. And to see the Lord's hand in all of this just brings an overflow of gratitude and joy from my heart. Why would I want to take my mind off of that!?

Now, I have to leave you with this powerful Tullian Tchividjian post from January 22 about Slavery and Freedom...

“In my book Surprised by Grace: God’s Relentless Pursuit of Rebels, I make the point that ‘those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs’ (Jonah 2:8). In other words, when we depend on anything smaller than Jesus for justification, love, mercy, cleansing, a new beginning, approval, acceptance, righteousness, and rescue we consign ourselves to ‘the restless futility of bewilderment’ because nothing and no one but Jesus can provide those things we long for most.

I close the book with a story from Civil War days before America’s slaves were freed, about a northerner who went to a slave auction and purchased a young slave girl. As they walked away from the auction, the man turned to the girl and told her, ‘You’re free.’

With amazement she responded, ‘You mean, I’m free to do whatever I want?’

‘Yes,’ he said.

‘And to say whatever I want to say?’

‘Yes, anything.’

‘And to be whatever I want to be?’

‘Yep.’

‘And even go wherever I want to go?’

‘Yes,’ he answered with a smile. ‘You’re free to go wherever you’d like.’

She looked at him intently and replied, ‘Then I will go with you.’

Jesus has come to the slave market. He came to us there because we could not go to him. He came and purchased us with his blood so we would no longer be a slave to sin but a slave to Christ—which is the essence of freedom. And now there’s no freer place to be in life than going with him—with the one who is himself our true liberty.

Remember: In the person of Jesus Christ, God came into this world, not to strip away our freedom, but to strip away our slavery to self so that we could be truly free.”

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I always thought a healthy lifestyle would strip away something that I cherished in my life--food. And so I resisted it. I I ran from that lifestyle, just as I have run from the grace of God for much of my life. I have run from a list of do's and don'ts that I knew I would never be able to keep up with, on both accounts. When a person like me thinks there is no way to be perfect at something, it is natural to just run (or sit, as the case may be).

We need to realize this very important thing: We CAN'T be perfect. There, the pressure is gone! Perfection is an impossibility; it's off the table. Now, there are boundaries, guidelines, restrictions and requirements to be found on the pathway to health as well as the pathway to Christ. But they are not to be grasped, rather to be reached for. I surrender to reaching along the path of righteousness. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm a slave.

But make no mistake--I. AM. FREE.

Romans 6:19-23
I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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February 23, 2011

February 21, 2011

Something New

I'm trying out a new app on my phone that let's me post blogs on the go. It's called Blogpress. I guess I will decide how I like it after I post this.




Here is the photo test. Me at the outlet mall today. Bought a cute little sundress at Gap outlet, size medium. (another test)

It has been so beautiful and warm and SUNNY here the past few days. It has really helped with getting my half marathon training going. As I finished my 4 mile "long" run for the week on Sunday it kind of took my breath away to realize I was only 1/3 of the way done with a half marathon. I thought There is no way I will ever be able to run 13-something miles. No way.

You know what they call that? Stinkin' Thinkin!

That's the same thing I thought about being able to run a whole mile just a few days before I did it. That's the same thing I thought about being able to run a 5k a few weeks before I did it. That's the same thing I thought about being able to maintain a healthy life style long enough to escape obesity just about a year before I did it. No way.

Well, turns out I was wrong all those other times and chances are--I'm wrong about this, too. The pattern points to success so I'm just going to keep putting in the miles and trust the process, as Jillian says.

Okay. Time to publish and see what I think about this new app...no spell check, sorry!