October 12, 2009

Are You There Skinny Me? It's Me, Fat Me

Hmmm. So I haven't posted on here in a while. I think we all know why, so I'll just cut the crap.

Here's the deal. I WANT TO BE THIN. I feel like that reality is unattainable. That is frustrating, maddening, depressing, and self-destructive. What to do?

All I know to do is something that I have done a million times before (it seems) and that is to diet. And exercise. This is NOT rocket science--I know. The only problem is that I never do these things long enough to get thin. And I wonder--even if I did do it long enough to get thin...what then? When I am on a health kick, I find myself longing for the day I can eat fast food again. Heck, I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant with Glory partly because I knew I could loosen up my healthy eating habits. Even though what I was doing (WW) was absolutely not difficult and I had lost 30 pounds. What is wrong with me!?!?!?!

Ahhh! Grrrr! Arrrrg.

So, here I go again.

There is a book I read before and the lady (who had lost a bunch of weight by praying and relying on God) said that there is a skinny person inside all of us. Really? Really, cause I am starting to wonder. When is my skinny person gonna show up?

Hello, skinny person inside me? Yeah, you. I'm really ready for you to get your butt out here. You gotta be cramped up in there--you haven't been out in 30 years for crying out loud. Where ARE you? If you could start making your way out here, that would be great. Thanks.