September 6, 2012

Attempting About-face

I began exercising this week. The Lord graciously and unexpectedly provided me with two workout buddies that are committed to being physically fit and committed to encouraging one another and me! It is so awesome because I have been praying for a buddy whose schedule would be compatible with mine...and I got two! We did a couch to 5K workout this morning and made plans for next week. We will also be setting goals together. I am pumped about this!

It has taken a few weeks months just to stop myself from going full steam ahead in the wrong direction, but now it feels like the ship is finally starting to turn. Over the past 12 months I have gained about 30 lbs. Slowly, surely choice by little choice I did that. As I have known for quite some time, the weight gain is merely an outward evidence of an inward problem. Being FAT is not the problem; WHY I am fat is the problem.  But I digress...When I finally realized how far I had gone off course it seemed like quite a daunting undertaking to get back where I was. But then again, so does heart failure, high blood pressure, cancer...among other things that are more likely to happen to me if I'm overweight. So I really began praying about getting turned back in the right direction. I knew that I could not motivate myself out of thin air to get back on track. It has been slow going since then but I feel like I am beginning to get more and more traction each week. I am slowly beginning to make better eating choices, still with an extra splash of creamer here and there, but I'm good with that.

As I was walk/running this morning I had an awesome thinking session. It hit me that nothing of REAL importance is different today than it was one year ago. Yes, I do weigh 30 pounds more and none of my clothes fit but those are not things that, in the long run, matter. Maybe they matter to people. Maybe others notice the way I look on the outside. Probably not so much, but if even if they do what does that mean to me? What can man do to me?  What can the thoughts of man do to me? I refuse to be trapped by a fear of man.

What is significant is that I am forgiven for the backsliding, laziness and gluttonous behavior that has occurred and I am turning the ship around. I am asking for help to turn the ship around. I can still make the same choices I was making a year ago and not have to worry about anything else. I am capable. (2 Peter 1:3) The good choices--that is what was on target one year ago. Not how I looked. And making good choices can happen right now. There is nothing stopping me from making those choices. If I allow myself to indulge in self-pity, self-disgust, wallowing in the fact that shopping (among other things) isn't as fun right now... then I will not be able to focus on doing the next right thing. I will instead be focused on how long it will take to make shopping fun again and then I will just want to quit. Is my goal in life to have fun shopping? Nope.

Moving forward. Slowly, surely.

The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Proverbs 29:25