September 6, 2012

Attempting About-face

I began exercising this week. The Lord graciously and unexpectedly provided me with two workout buddies that are committed to being physically fit and committed to encouraging one another and me! It is so awesome because I have been praying for a buddy whose schedule would be compatible with mine...and I got two! We did a couch to 5K workout this morning and made plans for next week. We will also be setting goals together. I am pumped about this!

It has taken a few weeks months just to stop myself from going full steam ahead in the wrong direction, but now it feels like the ship is finally starting to turn. Over the past 12 months I have gained about 30 lbs. Slowly, surely choice by little choice I did that. As I have known for quite some time, the weight gain is merely an outward evidence of an inward problem. Being FAT is not the problem; WHY I am fat is the problem.  But I digress...When I finally realized how far I had gone off course it seemed like quite a daunting undertaking to get back where I was. But then again, so does heart failure, high blood pressure, cancer...among other things that are more likely to happen to me if I'm overweight. So I really began praying about getting turned back in the right direction. I knew that I could not motivate myself out of thin air to get back on track. It has been slow going since then but I feel like I am beginning to get more and more traction each week. I am slowly beginning to make better eating choices, still with an extra splash of creamer here and there, but I'm good with that.

As I was walk/running this morning I had an awesome thinking session. It hit me that nothing of REAL importance is different today than it was one year ago. Yes, I do weigh 30 pounds more and none of my clothes fit but those are not things that, in the long run, matter. Maybe they matter to people. Maybe others notice the way I look on the outside. Probably not so much, but if even if they do what does that mean to me? What can man do to me?  What can the thoughts of man do to me? I refuse to be trapped by a fear of man.

What is significant is that I am forgiven for the backsliding, laziness and gluttonous behavior that has occurred and I am turning the ship around. I am asking for help to turn the ship around. I can still make the same choices I was making a year ago and not have to worry about anything else. I am capable. (2 Peter 1:3) The good choices--that is what was on target one year ago. Not how I looked. And making good choices can happen right now. There is nothing stopping me from making those choices. If I allow myself to indulge in self-pity, self-disgust, wallowing in the fact that shopping (among other things) isn't as fun right now... then I will not be able to focus on doing the next right thing. I will instead be focused on how long it will take to make shopping fun again and then I will just want to quit. Is my goal in life to have fun shopping? Nope.

Moving forward. Slowly, surely.

The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Proverbs 29:25


Sylvia Harrington said...

Great to see you back. I had a big slip up's not even about's about dusting yourself off and getting back up. You can do this!

Absolutely, Positively Josie said...

So glad to read you. :)

I think you really hit the nail with, "If I allow myself to indulge in self-pity, self disgust . . . I will not be able to focus on doing the next right thing." I think self-pity and self-disgust are related. In fact I think they are pretty well the same thing, and I know that when I stop being a *victim*, things stop being impossible. They stop consuming me. I've been thinking about this lately in my own life. I'd heard the verse in Revelation about the second death, and all liars having their part in the lake of fire (Revelation 21:8), but what I didn't realize until recently was, the first two terms in that list of lake-of-fires are the fearful and unbelieving. I know the Bible is full of (to put it lightly) evidence, and sources of faith and hope- but reading that verse in Revelation really underscored for me how important faith and belief are, and how they are totally ours. And it touches everything. Like you said in this post, the outside reflects the inside.

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:" -Proverbs 23:7.

Here's cheering you on, Keelie! :)

Deb Willbefree said...

Hi, Keelie. I've just been thinking about you, so I'm real glad you posted.

I came across an interesting thought in Andrew Murray's "Absolute Surrender" the other day that has stuck with me. He is discussing that verse in Philippians 2 in which Paul says that God will work in us to will and to do of His good pleasure.

Anyway, Murray said that we get confused about willing and doing. That we decide that we want something, like the Fruit of the Spirit, for instance and because we "will" it with wholehearted sincerity, we think we can also "do" it.

Murray says we miss an important fact. We oidn't actually "will" it on our own, We decide we want to do whatever because the Holy Spriti prompts us to want to do it. His will is what we're willing. But it feels like us.

So, we believe that since we want it, and since the Bible says we should do it, and we've prayed--we can just do it. Except we will fail most times.

Why? Because we do not do it by agreeing with God. We do not do it by praying for God's help--WE DO it, by letting GOD DO IT

Just like He really put the thought in our hearts--only He can do it.

It's kind of tricky. And I may not have explained it well in such a brief space. And I don't actually know how to surrender to God for Him to do it... But, since my ship is sailing the wrong way, I've been asking God to show me the problem.

Glad your back. Let me know if you get any light on this. I have a new URL. You can get to me by clicking my name above, then 'following' again.


Todd Swanson said...

I'm glad to have rediscovered your blog. I lost touch when you changed over. It looks like you and I are in the same boat having gained some weight. It all starts with a turnaround and it seems like you are ready good for you. Keep focused and you will succeed; weight loss does not have to be a lifelong struggle. "Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Kelly said...

Rooting for you!