Yesterday was one of those days that seem to drag on and on as you are fighting to live in the moment but in every moment you are just wanting to eat a big bag of chips. So it's kinda hard, living in the moment. That was yesterday.
I never ate a huge bag of chips. I did live in the moment for the most part. Feeling how that feels when you want something so bad and you could have it but you know you shouldn't so you just sit there and let God hold you down--that actually is painful. Or the way it feels when you want to say something so bad and you could but you know you shouldn't so you just sit there and let God put a hand over your mouth. Excruciating in that moment. And you breathe deep breaths through your nose and you try to remember why you are being silent. Or why you aren't going to Dollar General for the chips. Thinking it through. Pacing. Remembering. Feeling the burn of surrender. This is living in the moment for me, at the moment.
It felt pretty uncomfortable yesterday but today it feels right and satisfactory. Today I don't have to live in the moments of regret and discouragement. I can live in moments of praise and amazement at the grace that held me down and covered me. And in moments of believing that He will do it again. And again and again.
Today's surrender is tomorrow's freedom.