August 13, 2012

Home Again

Tonight I attended a new session of First Place 4 Health. FP4H is a Christ-centered wellness program that basically changed my life. In a nut-shell it is a weekly meeting that incorporates Bible study & memorization, wellness education, encouragement & accountability. Putting Christ in the center of your life and allowing God's word to guide everything else leads to balance: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellness. It is an awesome program that I have missed dearly for the past year. It feels good to be "home" again.

Last fall my husband and I began serving in a ministry that conflicted, schedule-wise, with my FP4H meeting. I was also afraid that I would not be able to manage the responsibilities of the new ministry as well as my commitment to FP4H. So last Fall I stopped attending FP4H. The strange thing was, I knew that I would not be able to maintain my health without FP4H or something very similar. But I also knew that God was calling me out of it for the moment. It was very disorienting and scary, almost like walking into fire.

Actually, that analogy is a pretty accurate one. The past year has been frustrating, humbling, confusing, painful, upsetting...a challenge to say the least. But, God is good. He has forgiven me much, comforted me, taught me, surprised me, uplifted me. He's just carried me along, in the dark, through the fire and I'm still here. Though it has been difficult, this season has served as somewhat of a breather from the whole weight/food/health "thing" and I think I needed that so I could, well...breathe. And see, with fresh eyes. And hear, with fresh ears. So much has been revealed to me about the desires of my heart, what I really believe, what drives me and where I am going.  Simply put, He is bigger and I am smaller.

Now it seems that God is making a way for me once again to focus on my health and return to FP4H meetings since there is no longer a schedule conflict for me. This is so exciting! I've got a new perspective, new goals, and a new vision of progress. I'm excited to begin again, as always, by His grace. At the same time, I'm a bit overwhelmed and if I'm honest-disappointed in myself because of how much ground I lost in the physical wellness department. I do want to acknowledge those feelings, but I will not dwell on them.

I debated and prayed about blogging and how it fits into the picture of my over-all wellness. While I think there are times I probably enjoy the approval and commendation of people (specifically through the use of social media) more than I should,  I still believe writing is a tool and a gift that the Lord has given to help me in this struggle of life. I better use what He's given me because this is a nasty and relentless fight! Sometimes I resent that fact that this is my struggle. It's embarrassing to always have to come back to this place.

But this is where He meets me.

So why waste my time or energy in shame? He is waiting, He is here. So on we go.

I think it will be interesting to see how the past year will influence my efforts toward wellness going forward. I feel that I have changed a lot though I'm not exactly sure how. Ready to get the clutter in my head on paper...or on the screen, as it were.

To my weight-loss blogging friends: hopefully we can just pick up where we left off. I'd love it if you would  leave a link to your blog so I can visit and update my blog roll. Thanks!

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Psalm 40:4


Kelly said...

I am really excited for you! Your passion for ministry and Christ is absolutely amazing! I have no doubts that you did the right thing doing what you did and leaving the FP4H for a little while. It will be good to start fresh.. best wishes!

Would love for you to visit my blog again:

Kelly :)

Absolutely, Positively Josie said...

Amen, sister. :) So glad to read something from you. I don't know if, Lord willing, it's because we are on the cusp of a new season, but there is change in the air. Maybe it's just naturally a good time for renewing and re-dedicating and focusing.

Here for you,


CharisFaith said...

I am working on not resenting that this is my sttruggle! Welcome back!!! Looking forward to cheering you on as this next chapter opens!!!

Casey said...

Since I haven't been reading any blogs on my own blogroll lately, I believe God lead me to read yours this morning!
I've been blogging for almost 2 years now. And I've lost around 25 lbs in that time. I've become so discouraged with myself over and over again.
Now what caught my eye was you mentioning First Place 4 Health. I've just purchased an ebook by Carole Lewis - Give God a Year. And I'm getting ready to do it. I'm done living for me and getting nowhere. I've also ordered a Bible Study to do (hopefully it will get here in a few weeks).
I'm so excited to do this! I know the meetings are an important part of this program, but since I live in a german-speaking community in a spanish-speaking country, it's not so easy.
I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your openness and honesty in your blogging and I'm looking forward to reading about your FP4H journey.
Blessings, Caroline (aka Casey)

Anonymous said...

I absolutely identify with what you've written here. So much of what is written here. The need for a breather and a clearer assessment of where I am, what my goals need to be, what my priorities need to be.

It has been embarrassing to admit my lack of progress and post that weight on my blog. I've done it, but it was hard to do. A year of weight loss failure s tough to admit.

But while there has been a tearing down, there has also been a building up. And this weight loss/health struggle has been the tool He has used to purge and refine. (Must it be such a PUBLIC tool? I guess so.)

I have a spiritual journal in which I record my thoughts, especially a I read my Bible, regarding what God is speaking to me. In the midst of one of those entries, I started talking about the eating plan God has given me.

It felt funny to do that. A shallow, worldly entry in the midst of "spiritual" thoughts.

But as I leaned back a thought about that food plan inclusion, I realized that it belonged--because, as you said, eating and efforts to improve my health is the door God is using to walk into my life and change it into His life.

Funny, isn't it? God will use whatever He needs to in order to make us into what we have told Him we want to be--fully His.

Journeying on,


Anonymous said...

You are not alone in this struggle. I love how you said you want to acknowledge your feelings but not dwell in them. Such wisdom! God is bigger than our insecurities and is waiting with open arms.

I've followed your blogs since Real Fat and have loved your honesty and your faith. I blog about giving (big & small, teaching kids to give, faith etc), not weight loss, but I'll be joining your weight loss journey. :)


AJ @ trulylifeinwords - said...

You are right on track! I went through the same thing when I scaled down (pun intended). It allowed God to work deep inside me. It helped me become confident in what I could actually do with God's power within me. It has made the progress I've made thus far stay - and not just for a little while, but years. All because I wasn't in a hurry to get to the finish that I missed all the healing along the way.

God has called you back to lead you even closer to Him.

Kimberlynn said...

Hi Keelie...I've missed your posts on this subject. You've been such an inspiration and I'm so happy you're back in it with the rest of us.

Please stop by for a visit. The Lord has done an amazing work in me and has truly set me on the path of freedom!

Be blessed.


Molly said...

I've missed you my friend! So glad to have you back and going again!