It took me a really long time to get to a place where healthy living was the norm. It didn't happen overnight. I am being constantly reminded of that along with the fact that I'm back to square one. It's almost painful. No, actually it is painful. I hope that I will never forget the way I feel right now and that feeling will keep me from straying away from healthy habits. Even a little bit. How exactly am I feeling? I am frustrated, and somewhat angry. A little bit lost. I was feeling sorry for myself but now I have moved out of that and into fight mode. That's a good thing.
Just a few minutes ago I came face to face with a ginormous pack of Cheez Its (not on my eating plan). You couldn't find a more tempting food for me to want to OD on. I ate two and then I glared at the sack. I was infuriated. It was almost as if I was looking at Satan himself. (I know that is dramatic.) I thought about throwing them away. Instead I folded the sack over a couple of times and placed it back on the table. Then I started muttering to myself, between clinched teeth, something like "No! I'm not doing this. I'm ready to fight. I'm not falling for this..." My kids just looked at me like I was a weirdo. Which I am. I think this was the defining moment of my week. I remembered that doing this requires fighting. It's also a process of learning when and how to be still. My prayer is for God to hold me up safely in the tension of those two things. He alone can do that.
That's all for now.