Little Eyes Are Watching

Recently I was reading a book when my 20 month-old princess came up to me and began tapping the book yelling "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" After a minute of her persistence I closed the book and looked at her.

"Yes, Glory?" I asked. She continued tapping on the cover of the book repeating my name. Finally I looked down and do you know what I saw? A picture of a woman running.

Wow. Just wow.

While this is not the only facet of "mommy" that I want my little girl to recognize, I will take an image of someone running over the image of a couch potato any day.

Sometimes I get caught up in all the technical aspects of a healthy lifestyle and forget what is arguably the most important reason I am doing this.



Always remember they are watching.

Weekend Away

I am just back from a trip to our family retreat in Oklahoma. My parents have a cabin in a little lake town there. It is so much fun to go and relax. The only part I don't really like is having to check for ticks when I get home. Yuck!

Anyway, it was a great weekend. I realized that the last time I was there was at Christmas. I weighed about 40 pounds more than I do now! This time I ate differently and I was definitely more active. My mom and I tried to find and run on the 5K course that we will be doing later this month. It was a booger with a couple of killer hills. It felt good to get a run in and sweat like crazy though.

I also got to go play putt-putt and ride go-karts with my husband and son this morning. Two things I would have never done before "the change." It was fun. I guess I just have a more adventurous spirit now. Yes, go-karts=adventure for this gal. Well, now wait a minute. I was even trying to talk my husband into going for a 3 mile canoe ride at one point. That is pretty adventurous by anyone's standards, right?

I am feeling very light on my toes lately. I'm pretty confident this week is going to be the one for the new decade. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it IS looking that way! Yipee!

Hope you had a great weekend!

P.S. For all those who read my previous post about a trip, I need to correct myself. On the sidebar of my blog, you will see that the trip reward comes at the 90lb. lost mark, not goal. So I only have about 40lbs. to go! However, I did some figuring and if I lose an average of 1.5 lbs a week, I will be at goal on the week of my 31st birthday! Would that not be cool!!?!

Also, just to comment on a few of your comments from said post:

1. I do like the idea of a cruise, but mainly because of the buffets, so that's out.
2. My mom and I are looking at a New England Harbor Hopping Cruise so I just might get to do both. Lynda with a Y, I will take you up on that guide service you offered!
3. We are already planning on a Disney trip in a couple of years! I know it is great and I can't wait to go back.
4. Costa Rica sounds like a winner to me.
5. We are going to go to a travel agent with a list of my demands ;) and our budget and see what they can come up with...I'll keep you posted.

Goal Trip: You Better Believe It

It's no secret that I want to take a trip when I reach my goal of 100 lbs. lost. Since I am very close to the mid-way point, I think it's time to give my goal trip some serious thought.

In the beginning I don't think my husband really thought I'd make it to that point and that might be why he hastily agreed we could go on a trip. Don't hate him for that--it's just that he's witnessed me start and fizzle out on so many diet attempts in our 10 year relationship that it was probably a little difficult to actually picture ultimate and lasting success.

However, I think now he sees that this time is different. When I asked him the other day if we would really be able to go anywhere since we are on a pretty strict budget these days, his reply was, "Babe, if you lose 100 we WILL go somewhere. We'll figure something out." And he's never let me down (except last night when he told me who won AI before I was able to watch it!!!).

So on a trip we will go and it's time to start planning (and saving). The only problem now is deciding where to go to celebrate such a monumental occasion. Here are some of my top picks right now:

U.S. Virgin Islands (but which one?)

Hawaii

Bahamas

New England Tour ending in NYC for Thanksgiving Day parade (this would obviously only work if I reached goal by November)

And now I need your help. Please comment and let me know where you think I should go and why. Links for more info would be appreciated!! I would kind of like it to be a tropical climate but that is not a must. Can't wait to hear from you! If you'd rather email: keeliesue@live.com

Weigh In: 1 lb. Loss

182 lbs.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Waiting for the weight to come off is a trying time. I am always happy with a loss and these days a WHOLE pound seems like a lot! But it is still human nature for us to want things right away. Where are the weeks of 3 or 4 lb. losses? They are stuck back in a period of time when I weighed more than I do now. I don't want those weeks back. I'll take the 1 lb. losses.

I can honestly say that I am in this for the long haul. I don't even worry about eating less on a weigh-in day anymore. Weigh-in days are no different than any other day. The weigh-in doesn't define my progress. The day-in, day-out choices that I make define my progress. Will I eat healthfully? Will I work out? Will I plan? Will I make time for Bible Study? Will I pray for guidance and strength?

The answer to these questions define my progress and in essence, they define me. Much like the song I posted about yesterday says: The choices you make say who you are and who your heart beats for...

Many people have followed my journey thus far. I am asked for tips and advice quite often. Usually I will tell people to eat less, eat better, move more and plan like a fool. I think all of that is sound advice, but none of that will matter unless you figure out who you are -- why you do the things you do. You have to know what is at the root of your problem because if you don't those four bits of advice I mentioned above won't amount to much in the long run.

It is SUCH a process. My Savior is continually reavealing to me who I am. I am actually not the same girl I was 6 months ago. That was only who I thought I was. That was who I thought I had to be. But I was wrong. This life has changed and it will never be the same.

The pounds coming off are not what is making me change. The pounds coming off are a result of the change taking place within me.

This is why I can wait patiently for God to finish what He's started in me without the added pressure of failing at weight loss:

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

It's Your Life

You have to add this song to your workout playlist. If you're running with it blasting in your ears--you can't stop! Love it ♥

This is the moment
It’s on the line
Which way you gonna fall?
In the middle between
Wrong and right
But you know after all

It’s your life
What you gonna do?
The world is watching you
Every day the choices you make
Say what you are and who
Your heart beats for
It’s an open door
It’s your life

Are you who you always said you would be?
With a sinking feeling in your chest
Always waiting for someone else to fix you
Tell me when did you forget
To live the way that you believe
This is your opportunity
To let your life be one that lights the way

I think we can get to the point in our life where it seems all hope is lost. The obstacles seem insurmountable. The cost seems too great. Thankfully, I have been able to see through these lies.

One of my favorite sayings is: It's never too late to be what you might have been.

This is so true! We were created for greatness and God wants to help us to achieve our dreams. The question is, what are you willing to do to make it happen? What are you GOING to do?

This is your life. I mean--this is IT. The only one we're going to get here on this earth, I believe. Don't waste another day letting life happen to you. HAPPEN to your life.

Dressing Room Fun

I'm not a cussing woman, but if I were, I bet a good majority of it would take place in dressing rooms. Ughh! Don't get me wrong--way easier to walk into a dressing room today than it was 6 months ago, but still not as fun as I'd like it to be.

Yesterday was a shopping fest for my mom and me. We spent 4 hours in Ann Taylor. Out of the 4 hours, I'd say about 2.5 were spent in the dressing room.I ended up with a pair of jeans, a pair of SHORTS (gasp), two t-shirts and an awesome necklace.

You know the point where you are in between trying on and you decide to look in the mirror even though you know your not going to like it? It's like watching a train wreck happen.

Well, I did that yesterday. I was staring at my upper thighs. The very, very upper part. The part none of you has ever seen before.They are plump. That is a perfect descriptive word for them. PLUMP. When I stand with my legs together the plumpness is magnified.

So I needed a pick-me-up after 4 hours of staring at the magnified plumpness. What I had fun doing (and you should try this) was standing with my legs slightly a part, pulling the fat from the back side of my legs and then stepping in so my thighs were touching. The line between the thighs went straight down instead of squiggling all the way down. It was magical.

I shudder at the thought of what the rear view looked like!

It's Like Patriotism

I recently watched part of a special series on the History Channel called America: The Story of Us. All I can say is, WOW! Our story is nothing short of miraculous. Too bad I had to be 30 and suffering from insomnia before I was forced into learning about the history of our country. Sad.

I seriously learned more in a couple of hours watching that show than I did in 8 years of high school and college history combined. I am SO sorry if you were one of my history teachers. It was me, not you. Promise.

It's all good. I am pretty much an expert at American history now. I could not overlook the application our forefathers provided for me in my current fight for freedom. Now, in one of my corniest posts ever, I would like to discuss how losing weight is like being a patriot.

It takes COURAGE.
Oh, the courage it must have taken early explorers and settlers to venture out into unknown territory! To fight the battles that had to be fought. To live in unimaginable conditions just for the dream of what could be. It takes courage to live differently. It takes courage to walk into a meeting for the first time. It takes even more courage to walk into a meeting when you know you have gained 5 pounds that week. It takes courage to admit that there is a problem. It takes courage to put down that cookie we just KNOW will solve all our problems. But we do it...for the dream of what could be.

It takes a WILLINGNESS TO CHANGE.
During the American Revolution the men who were fighting against the British were farmers, metal workers, hunters...they were not soldiers. In the beginning the battles seemed insurmountable as small groups of men would face hundreds or thousands of armed Red Coats in their formal tactics of war. It didn't take long for us to realize that what we were doing wasn't working. Soon we rewrote the rules of war to create an advantage. American soldiers hid in the backwoods which they knew so well and used the element of surprise to turn the tide of the war and ultimately kick some major British booty. We must be willing to change what is not working. We must be willing to change our way of life. We can use the element of surprise by changing up food plans and exercise routines to shock our bodies into getting smaller. We can rewrite the rules of our life and ultimately shrink some major chunky booty. One of the very best quotes throughout the whole show was this: "We almost always have to give up something great in order to gain something greater." Change. It's a good thing.

It takes RESILIENCY.
After 9/11, most of the world looked at America to see what would happen as the financial heart of our country was demolished. What they saw in the days to follow was nothing that hadn't happened before in this country. The people rallied together, cleaned up the mess, and stood united. In many ways, America was stronger than ever before. When we fall off the food wagon, we have a choice. We can stay down and wallow in our mess or we can get up, dust ourselves off and forgive whatever needs forgiving (usually us). This get-back-up-again spirit is crucial to success. Successful losers are resilient and stronger because of what they have overcome.

It takes RELENTLESSNESS.
When you read (or watch) the history of our nation, something that stands out is that we never quit. Through epidemics, oppression, wars, depressions, assassination, terrorist attacks and more, America continues on. Nothing stops our country. Taking care of our bodies requires a relentless drive to keep going. Bad things may happen in life. Holidays will always come. The going may get tough. We have to decide what it is that we want to make of our life and go for it--never stopping. Ever! This is a fight that has to keep going forever. Our ENTIRE lives.

It takes FAITH.
I really believe this. Our country was founded so that everyone could be free to have faith in whatever they choose. There was always something bigger, something more powerful than man that helped this nation along. Those inalienable rights that were given to us all were with us from creation. For me, faith is paramount to all of the things I have listed so far. If not for God, I would still be wallowing in oppression, a slave to food. I would have no drive to be all that I can be. I would have nothing guiding me. I would have no Power to overcome.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

In the spirit of patriotism and America--we can do this!

p.s. I told you it would be corny.
p.p.s. You simply must DVR this series on the History Channel. Fab!

Weigh In: .5 lb. Loss

183 lbs.

I knew the loss would be small this week. But hey--it is moving in the right direction. Can't complain too much.

Notice the new background and camera? Yeah, I'm at my mom's. Also in scrub clothing and with little make up. This is what I usually look like.



Comparison shots:



The first shot was in February. I weighed 208. The second shot is now @ 183. What a difference 25 lbs. can make!



Need I remind you that a new decade is quickly (okay, slowly) approaching? In this new decade several awesome milestones will occur:

• 179 --50 lbs. GONE!
• 179--Half way to goal!
• 175--no longer OBESE!
• 171--weigh less than hubby!

Look out 170's, here I come!

Race Recap & My Thoughts on Drinking

Here I am after my very first 5K! I finished in 36.3 minutes. I was pleased with this time. The only other occasion I had timed myself was on the treadmill and that took me 43 minutes. My goal was to be in the 30s and I was, so yea!

The race was in a small town just down the road from me. There were about 50 runners and the course went around the city park and baseball fields. It was a tad bit muddy in parts but over all it was fine.

I felt really great throughout the entire race. I had already decided that I wanted to put absolutely no pressure on myself other than to complete it without walking (and I figured that would ensure my time being under 40 minutes). I took the advice of a friend's trainer and had beans and rice for dinner and oatmeal and a piece of fruit a couple of hours before the race.

I also took the advice of my blogger buddy Stacey to start off toward the back of the pack so I could set my own pace. With only 50 runners, the pack wasn't that big but I did keep toward the back and set my pace at a very comfortable jog for the first 2 miles. The last mile I tried to step it up and only felt uncomfortable for the last quarter mile, I'd say.

Okay, now I'm rambling. Here is a picture of me and my friends who also did the race. The beauty in the middle even won a free teeth whitening tray from a local dentist. We were happy for her!



Anyway, this was a great experience. I am looking forward to my 5K in June. I will have to set a goal for that race. After that I will begin training for an 8K in November!!! That was my big announcement! Actually I was considering a sprint triathlon but then decided on the 8K instead. Ha! Someday I think I will do a triathlon, though. Maybe when I get to goal!?!

Now, on to this whole drinking thing...

Oh. My. Gosh. I have been drinking half my body weight in ounces of water for the past 3 days. I can't tell you how much that is because I don't want you to know my weight. Oh that's right--the whole dang world knows my weight.

So I've been drinking 90 oz. of water per day! That's A LOT of water folks. And I think it is working but this is why: I am sitting on the pot 99% of the day and there is no time to do anything--even eat!

Seriously though, this IS helping me. By the end of the day I don't even really want to think about dinner. I feel full. I can still eat and not be miserable but I always feel full. It's great. But I will stress again, the excessive peeing is a bit of an inconvenience.

Oh well. These are the things we do for good health.

Participation Ribbon

Yep. I was that kid. The one the "participation ribbon" was designed for. I remember field day in elementary school. You know, the day toward the end of the year that is supposed to be fun for all? Pure torture for me.

The 50 yard dash was my nemesis. Gosh, the thought of it even now makes me want to throw up. I was totally the chunky little freckled kid straggling in all alone at the end of 50 yards. Visions haunt me to this day.

Fast forward 20 years and here we are on the eve of my first 5K. I wasn't supposed to run a 5K till the middle of June, but a buddy asked me to join her in this one so I thought, "What the heck?"

And after I thought "What the heck?" I began to think "What the HECK?" about me thinking "What the heck?" about entering a race that I was not forced into running. This is strange. This is not ME. This is very Twilight Zone-ish.

Listen. *shaking you by the shoulders* I AM RUNNING IN A RACE TOMORROW. That is unbelievable. No one is holding a gun to my head. No one is paying me. (Buddy did offer to pay for my entry but I didn't let her.) I know I'm not going to come close to winning. In fact, it will most likely resemble those elementary field days only this time I am old enough to have a heart attack.

The irony here and the whole point of this strange post is that the most coveted prize for me tomorrow will be getting that participation ribbon (or in this case participation t-shirt). I want it. I will be proud of it. It won't be something to roll my eyes at.

It will represent the fact that I am finally a participant in my own life!

Hollaaaaa!

While I'm on this topic--I have an announcement to make. You'll never believe it. I think I'll wait to say. Anyone want to guess? (And to the one person who already knows, don't comment!)

Weigh In: 1.5 lb Loss

183.5

I will SO take it. After a weekend of less than stellar choices, this loss is a much undeserved gift. I know next week will be hard to get a good loss but I am going to try. I am SO close to the 170s and that is a great motivator for me.

If you've been reading you know that one of my goals is to catch up to my husband's weight. There's just one problem--every week that I lose, he is losing more! Yesterday he ate a bowl of cookies n' cream ice cream and washed it down with some potato chips (Yeah, HATE. HIM.) But seriously, when I asked him what on earth he was doing he replied, "I'm doing it for you, babe."

Isn't that sweet?

He weighs about 172 right now so in another month or so I should be able to catch him. Don't know why this is such a big deal for me, but it is.

NSVs for this week:

• The infamous How to Dress Your Muffin jeans are totally falling off.
• Wore high heels and cute dress (size L) to church on Mother's day
• Keeping house clean seems like a regular thing now? We'll see...
• Came up with a plan for getting serious and excited about that
• Did some cartwheels yesterday :)

Get Serious

So I just did a little calculating and figured out I am on track to lose my 100 pounds in 12 months. At first I was hoping for 9 months. I know. A little over-ambitious. But it was doable. Not now. And I fear that if I don't get serious again--like right when you first start your "lifestyle change"--then I'm going to be adding another 6 months to my finish time. Don't want that.

So here's what I plan to do to get serious.

1. No more eating out. For a good while at least. Yes, I can made healthy choices at most any restaurant, but let's be honest. I don't WANT to do that. I'd rather just stick to my plan at home. So in the foreseeable future when invited out to eat I will try to join up afterward and in the event that is not possible I will eat at home and look like a weirdo while I drink water with lemon at the restaurant.
   
2. I'm going to quit snacking and pretending like it never happened. Yep, I do that a lot. A wheat thin here, a spoonful of peanut butter there...this stuff is holding me back!!! I am going to be true to myself and stop pretending these snacks didn't happen. They DO happen and the scale always shows it.


3. I am going to drink my water. I hate it when people say that. It sounds so cliche in the diet world. Someone is having a rough couple weeks, the leader leans in empathetically, "You drinkin' your water?" Oh, Lord. "No, maybe that was it and not the Snickers I've been eating for my 8pm snack." Right. Like drinking water a lot is actually going to help me lose weight. Well, I'm going to test that theory out. ;0)


4. I am going to get back to kicking my rear in the physical activity department. I have been a real slacker. The crazy thing is--I am running in my first 5K EVER this weekend!!! I can't believe it. But I hope I am ready. I have been giving about 50% to my workouts lately. You know, it is easy to go through the motions of a workout but we can only get out of it what we put in--much like anything in life. Gotta get back in gear.


5. I'm going to hit all my food groups in the amounts that I am supposed to every day. Each day in First Place you are supposed to track the amounts of each food group that you ate, cups, oz., etc. and then record if you need to eat more, less, or are on target. So my goal is to be on target every day. I can do it.

Hopefully doing these things will help me re-focus. I haven't gone crazy or anything. I'm still fighting the good fight but I have lost some of my mojo. I like my mojo and I need it back. So we'll see. In all seriousness though, if it took me 5 years to lose the weight that would be okay. I just know what is possible and there's no harm in shooting for that.

By the way, we no longer have internet service at our home. I have been coming to my mom's house to make blog posts and check email but that's about it. So if you noticed I haven't commented in a while or that my posts no longer come twice a day (ha! part of the reason we had to lose the internet) that is why. Just FYI.

A Blurry Picture I Love

My Thorn

I was doing my Bible study this morning when God cleared something up for me. Something that I have had all wrong...for years. Don't you love it when that happens? A good kick in the "know it all" rear.

So here it is, the story in the Bible about Paul having the thorn in his flesh. The one where he has this malady that is likely a physical hardship. It burdens him for his entire life and this is the conclusion he makes about it:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV)

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Through Paul's suffering and ours, Christ is able to shine. In our weakness, we are made strong--through Christ. Yes. I got all of that. AMAZING, for sure. However, this truth in all of it's magnificent wonder, is not the truth that was revealed to me today.

You see, in the moments of frustration, desperation, despair that so often accompany being overweight, I have found myself many times at this conclusion: My thorn is my fat. I am just destined to be fat...for God's glory of course.

What? How can God get glory because I am fat? How can I be made strong in my fat? How can His grace be sufficient enough for my fat?

My conclusion for all these years has been dead wrong. I am not destined to be fat. My thorn is not fat. The thorn is a compulsive, fleshly desire to fill an empty hole in my spirit with food. That will always be something that afflicts me. I will always have that to deal with.

God's strength is made perfect when I allow His power to overtake my will and make it His own. I can spend the rest of my life boasting in my weakness because He is making me strong! He is taking away the fat, but not the thorn. The thorn will always be there to remind me just WHO HE IS and WHAT HE HAS DONE and continues to do FOR ME.

Not really knowing that it was my thorn, I have asked the Lord many times to remove it (the desire to eat all the time) just as Paul asked for his thorn to be removed. The Lord answered me when he answered Paul, "My grace is enough."

Yes, Lord, it certainly is.

Weigh In: 2.5 lb. Loss

Okay, seriously. Could these shoes BE any cuter?

Maybe if you stick 'em on a pair of legs that belong to a 185 lb. redhead.

And even then I'm not so sure. They're pretty darn cute all by their lonesome.

Addiction & Diversion: An Experiement

Question
Can a food addict overcome a temptation by diverting thoughts and attention away from said temptation?

Research
Creating a diversion for one's self has been cited in numerous publications and WW meetings as one of the best ways to overcome temptation.

Hypothesis
I predict that given an equally enticing activity I will be able to overcome food temptation.

Experiment
This experiment happened much by chance. Of course there is a pretty decent...okay 100% chance that I will be faced with multiple food temptations on any given day. Yesterday was no different.

After a doctors appointment, on my way home I was overcome by the desire to enter Target solely for the purpose of purchasing and subsequently consuming a Snickers Fudge Bar. (If you don't know about these, don't try to find out.) Shifting into addict mode, my will to avoid temptation completely shut down and the brain shifted to hunter-mode. Must. Eat. Snickers.

Upon entering the store a familiar smell consumed me. The smell of clothes. In that instant I was placed at a divine crossroads. With $60 eagerly burning a hole in my pocket, I realized that a purchase of clothing could be made instead of the much desired bar of evilness. I began walking away from the food and toward the garments. I went on to have a fine time in the dressing room trying on jeans, dresses and sleeveless tops. I selected 2 items for purchase and left the store minus the guilt and chocolate.

Conclusion
This food addict CAN avoid food temptations by use of a diversion.

Analysis
Most effective diversion is another potential addiction. Not good.

New Goals

I am in Week 2 of my First Place 12 week session. So far I am doing fairly well. I spent the past week trying to make up for the one prior to that (in the weight department). I am finally starting to see the scale move in the right direction again, thank goodness.

One of the things we were asked to do this week was to set goals in each of the 4 areas that First Place 4 Health emphasizes: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual. I think that setting these goals is paramount to success. Never used to, but I do now.

So my goals are:

Physical
Run a 5K in 30-something minutes.

Mental
Memorize all 10 verses of scripture and teach a few to my son.

Emotional
Journal about emotional hunger ever time it happens.

Spiritual
Keep a prayer journal and complete 12 week Bible study with no skipped lessons.

And as additioanl "unofficial" goal I am aiming to lose 25 pounds in this session. I lost about 30 in the last one. If I do, I will weigh aproximately 160lbs! Hard to believe...

Our House

We spent a good part of this week getting our house presentable. Not clean necessarily, but presentable. Everything put up, lots of trashing, lots of donating...that type of thing. It wasn't too fun while we were doing it but SO worth it.

Here, let me give you the tour.


Living Room



Master Bedroom



Glory's Room







Jonah's Room






Kitchen



Kitchen "Mantle" (still in Valentine's mode)

Now, all of these pictures may not seem too impressive, but take a look at the before and after pics of Jonah's room:



Before.............................................After

Yeeeeah.

And if you could just picture every room in the house looking like the "before" pic, that would be an accurate portrayal our our house a week ago. It was pure chaos. It was overwhelming.

Another interesting thing that has been going on this week is that we decided to get firm with our 4 year old about sleeping in his bed. Believe me--I know all the bad things about having a kid in your bed. I've had one in mine for 4 years! We have tried on numerous occasions to make the transition, but in the end it has just been easier to let him in our bed and get some sleep, quite honestly.

With these things being at the forefront of my mind this week, I eventually came to the undeniable realization that I am having to do a major overhaul in nearly every aspect of my life. The examples are too numerous to list here but just to highlight from this week:

• I am losing hours of sleep each night trying to make up for something that could have easily been established years ago with a little persistence and dedication.
• I had to spend 2 WHOLE days just to get my house picked up because it was so messy while I could have been doing a little each day thus never having to do the marathon pick-up week.
• And for the crowning touch on my epiphany, I recognized that my weight is part of the pattern too.

The question: Why do I let things get out of control?

Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.

There it is. Painful. Discipline. Who likes those words???

Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Ahh. There's the focus. That's why discipline is a good thing. It produces a harvest of righteousness, not a reoccuring requirement to fix what's been let go. This chaotic and opressive way of life is not God's will for any of us!

I need Him to help me here. There is no way that I can change habits that have been in practice in my life for 30 years. But He can... and that's my hope.