April 1, 2010

A Bit of a Funk

I've been in a slight funk, as I like to call it, over the past few days. I guess I am having a hard time recovering from a few slip ups last week which have carried over into this week. Really bad timing on all the Easter candy this year...

Don't worry. This is just a temporary funk. At worst I am up a couple of pounds at the end of the day; at best I am maintaining. No way on God's green earth am I throwing away all that has been accomplished just so I can eat like crap again. No way.

I do have a little confession though. I was fully prepared to come on here tonight and tell you that I was going to hide my scale for 2 weeks. While I do think the stagnant number on the scale has been playing with my head, I do not think for a second that hiding it is the answer for me. I actually just wanted to do that so I could eat like a fool this weekend (Easter gatherings, ANYONE???) and then have a week to recover before weighing again and sharing that number with you all.

Pretty smart, huh? Nope. Pretty sneaky and not very REAL either.(not the putting up the scale part--but trying to eat like a fool and get away with it) Totally an old behavior pattern that I recognized and am now nipping in the bud. Instead, I opted to get on here and take a look back at some of my victories and consider what is ahead--all in hopes of squashing this seriously unwanted funk. So here goes...

In December of 2009 simple tasks such as tying my shoes, getting off the couch to answer the phone, walking up a flight of stairs, etc. would leave me gasping for air. After only a few weeks of working out I was able to run a 5K on the treadmill. I am currently training to run in a 5K race at the end of June. I enjoy exercise.

In December I wore a size 20 pants. I would never dream of wearing a dress that showed my legs. I hated all of my clothes. I could only wear flats. I currently own a pair of size 12 jeans that fit. I will be wearing a wrap dress for Easter that hits just above my knees. I will be wearing heels. I love shopping and the only problem is there is not enough money for me to buy all the stuff that I try on.

In December I hurt. My back hurt at night. It was hard to get comfortable in bed. I could not lay on my side because I could not breathe that way; I could not lay on my stomach because that just didn't work. I woke up feeling sluggish and did not want to get out of bed. Now my body feels really great. When I lay down at night I am so comfortable. I can sleep in any position that I want. I fall asleep quickly and I wake up feeling refreshed and well rested. The only reason my body hurts now is on the days after a killer workout.

In December (and for years before) I was kind of anti-social. I have mentioned this before but I didn't want to look in the mirror. I felt like a fool walking into the gym to workout--like I didn't belong. My confidence was at an all-time low. Now, I feel like the real me...the one who has been in there all along-- the cheerleader, the girl who loves to sing, the (wanna-be) actress, the goofy silly giggly girl who liked to be around people, the girl with confidence...is reemerging.

Oh and one other thing...

My smile is back to normal now. For a while I hated to smile because there was so much fat in my cheeks that I couldn't even smile to full capacity. Isn't that crazy!!? But now my smile is officially back to normal.

Looking ahead...I am hovering awfuly close to 189. This is going to feel SO good! That will also mean 40 pounds. That will mean 40% of the way to goal. In about 20 more pounds I will be out of the obese BMI range. By the end of summer I should look pretty fantastic in a bathing suit. My husband is totally on board for going somewhere tropical and beautiful when I reach my goal. I am thinking that will be sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Virgin Islands...

Okay that about does it. Another catastrophe of peanut butter proportions--averted. Mission Accomplished.
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12 comments:

LauraLynne said...

you can do this!! I admire your honesty and can relate. One of my fears with putting the scale away for more than 24 hours is that it's so easy to let things slip. My brain still plays tricks on me and it's so hard sometimes. Even with all the tools and knowledge. It's just damn hard.
Hang in there - make a plan for Easter - emerge victorious on Monday!

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

I'm proud of you for recognizing the scale ploy for what it truly was. It would have been pretty easy to get away with when so many fellow bloggers are vowing to put their scales away for long periods right now.

About all of your December vs. now comparisons, isn't it amazing what just a few short months & some hard work can mean? So happy for all of your successes! You're doing wondefully! :)

I'm Loving my Complicated Life! said...

Keelie I needed to hear this badly, and I mean BADLY. I will be explaining more soon. I will be reading this over and over again. THANKYOU!

Deb Willbefree said...

What a WONDERFUL list of accomplishments!!!

And, yes, Easter is tough. I just indulged....really indulged...in chocolate. Apparently chocolate bunny ears have some sort of diabolical power...

And then today, I had a seminar and had to eat in a restaurant with limited choices. I ate mashed potatoes AND chocolate cake--with the excuse that I was having a hard time keeping my glucos above 80 all morning (I was--don't know why). That explained the mashed potatoes, not the cake.

Anyway, it's a rough time of year--but we are not caving on this one. No sir. Health is my goal, and I'm stickin to it! So are you. :D

Deb

Googie said...

Everytime I come to your blog I get refreshed and ready to get back on track. I haven't weighed in like three weeks because I am slipping up on my food too. I am actually runningmore outside, but the food is so bad! Thanks for this post!

Tiff said...

Hey girlie! Thanks so much for your comment on my blog! It is really hard sometimes to not allow ourselves to be fooled by well...ourselves! Here's to losing 100lbs, and we know that we can do it b/c we've both lost 40- no self-sabotaging here!

I'm so glad to have found your blog-truly. I'll be reading :)

Kate said...

March 1st, I started my "Not Fat By 40" campaign. And I immediately lost four pounds and then put them all back on. What? So, I'm right where I started a month later, but I do know that I can run for a whole five minutes during my 35 minutes on the treadmill. So I'm counting that as a success even though the scale doesn't agree with me. Sigh.

Vio at www.vislosingit.blogspot.com said...

Catastrophe of peanut butter proportions.... love it!

Nichole said...

Good for you!

I can't wait to wear heels too...seems all the cute shoes have some kind of heel!

I know what you mean about the real you shining through...I think back to how I used to be funny and silly. That part of me has mostly gone away because I'm embarrassed by how big I am. I'm hoping to find that part of myself again, and soon!

Thanks for all the inspiration! Hope you have a great Easter weekend! :o)

Cupcake Dreamer said...

You've done so well! I'm definitely following your progress. Happy Easter Keelie!

Stacey at Living by Faith said...

Wow, I have been having some of the same thoughts this past week. I even thought maybe I won't report my weight this week.

I have spent the entire week cleaning like a mad woman. We are hosting Easter for both of our families. All the cleaning has meant less real workouts. Do I need to mention the Cadbury mini eggs?

So after reading this, I am going to weigh myself and share whatever the outcome just like I do every Tuesday. I am not going to start the game of deception because the only person I am deceiving is myself.

As always thanks for your realness! It resonates deeply with me.

The scale is just one measure of success. I am so glad you can see all the other changes as well.

Here's to the return of the real, confident and smiling YOU!

Can do mom said...

Oh Honey, we've all been there in one way or another.

Hang on, stay the program and I promise you the funk will pass. The Easter candy is proving more temptation than I can withstand as well so I feel your pain.

Blessings to you my friend!