Poop n' TOM

You know the story. Two people meet, fall in love. They spend all their free time together being sweet and overly affectionate. They probably stay on their best behavior and act very proper and polite.

For a while.

But one day it happens. One of the two decides it's time. They feel secure enough in the relationship to really let it all hang out. Perhaps literally--they might quit sucking their gut in. Or maybe they decide to not wear make-up on an outing. Of course the ultimate test of a relationship is when one party decides to, oh how do it put it...break wind and the other loves them still the same.

Well, folks our honeymoon here is over and I am about to rip one. Or two. Will you still love me? I hope so.

First of all, let's talk poop. You know you want to. Poop is a big part of life, is it not? Well, actually I know some people who say they only go like once a month which I can hardly believe, but I suspect most people are more frequent poopers, like me. Here are some interesting poop facts/tips (poop tips? Wow, this is getting weird.) I'd like to share:

• The Fleet liquid suppositories for infants work wonderfully for the occasional flush-out.
• A small glass of ice cold water gets my system moving first thing in the morning. This is especially helpful for weigh-in mornings.
• This is not about poo, but pee rather (same family): asparagus makes pee smell weird.
• My son was 4.25 years old before he began pooping in the pot. He goes about 5 times a day. He still has to strip down, even takes off socks and shoes no matter where we are.
• Once I thought I was dying with abdominal pains for about 3 days. I was doubled over in pain and when I finally went to the Dr. he basically said poop was stuck in the top right corner of my intestine. Nice. Husband's response, "So your full of crap? I could have told you that."
• I hear that your body can hold up to like 15 lbs. of poop at a time. Can this really be possible?
• My poop don't stink =]

Okay, okay. That's enough about poop. Now let's talk about TOM, and no, I don't mean Cruise.

Funny story. Once I was reading Kelly's blog (That girl is up to some amazing awesomeness!) and she was talking about how mad she was at TOM. She just kept going on and on about what a jerk this guy was and how he was sabotaging her efforts, etc. I was so mad at TOM. I assumed it was her husband. I was also thinking it was kind of sad that she would tell the whole world how crappy (just sticking with the theme here) he was. I was just about pray for her and TOM's relationship when it hit me. TOM= "Time of Month." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gotcha.

TOM is not a fun thing. I have to admit, I always thought people who complained of cravings, etc. during that nasty old TOM were just imagining things. I never experienced any food cravings during my TOM. (Man, I love all the different ways you can use TOM in written form!)

But you know what I figured out? I never experienced any cravings because I never noticed the cravings. I just always ate everything I ever wanted as SOON as I wanted it and that was life. However, since I began eating better and less frequently I noticed that there would be a period of a few days each month that it was really hard to resist temptations. Hmm. I finally put the two together and I am now a TOM-hater just like the rest of you.

I have been doing some research and I found these tips on controlling PMS. I have no idea if they work but it's worth a shot, right?

• Eat complex carbohydrates (such as whole grain breads, pasta and cereals), fiber and protein. Cut back on sugar and fat.
• Avoid salt for the last few days before your period to reduce bloating and fluid retention.
• Cut back on caffeine to feel less tense and irritable and to ease breast soreness.
• Cut out alcohol. Drinking it before your period can make you feel more depressed.
• Try eating up to 6 small meals a day instead of 3 larger ones.
• Get aerobic exercise. Work up to 30 minutes, 4 to 6 times a week.
• Get plenty of sleep--about 8 hours a night.
• Keep to a regular schedule of meals, bedtime and exercise.
• Try to schedule stressful events for the week after your period.

Seth, let me know how those work out for ya! ;)

PS--Sorry, Justin. I had to do this.

PPS--My new weigh-in day is Wednesday because FP4H meeting night has been changed. I will report that I am still at 187 as of this morning.