April 19, 2010

Poop n' TOM

You know the story. Two people meet, fall in love. They spend all their free time together being sweet and overly affectionate. They probably stay on their best behavior and act very proper and polite.

For a while.

But one day it happens. One of the two decides it's time. They feel secure enough in the relationship to really let it all hang out. Perhaps literally--they might quit sucking their gut in. Or maybe they decide to not wear make-up on an outing. Of course the ultimate test of a relationship is when one party decides to, oh how do it put it...break wind and the other loves them still the same.

Well, folks our honeymoon here is over and I am about to rip one. Or two. Will you still love me? I hope so.

First of all, let's talk poop. You know you want to. Poop is a big part of life, is it not? Well, actually I know some people who say they only go like once a month which I can hardly believe, but I suspect most people are more frequent poopers, like me. Here are some interesting poop facts/tips (poop tips? Wow, this is getting weird.) I'd like to share:

  • The Fleet liquid suppositories for infants work wonderfully for the occasional flush-out.
  • A small glass of ice cold water gets my system moving first thing in the morning. This is especially helpful for weigh-in mornings.
  • This is not about poo, but pee rather (same family): asparagus makes pee smell weird.
  • My son was 4.25 years old before he began pooping in the pot. He goes about 5 times a day. He still has to strip down, even takes off socks and shoes no matter where we are.
  • Once I thought I was dying with abdominal pains for about 3 days. I was doubled over in pain and when I finally went to the Dr. he basically said poop was stuck in the top right corner of my intestine. Nice. Husband's response, "So your full of crap? I could have told you that."
  • I hear that your body can hold up to like 15 lbs. of poop at a time. Can this really be possible?
  • My poop don't stink =]

Okay, okay. That's enough about poop. Now let's talk about TOM, and no, I don't mean Cruise.

Funny story. Once I was reading Kelly's blog (That girl is up to some amazing awesomeness!) and she was talking about how mad she was at TOM. She just kept going on and on about what a jerk this guy was and how he was sabotaging her efforts, etc. I was so mad at TOM. I assumed it was her husband. I was also thinking it was kind of sad that she would tell the whole world how crappy (just sticking with the theme here) he was. I was just about pray for her and TOM's relationship when it hit me. TOM= "Time of Month." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gotcha.

TOM is not a fun thing. I have to admit, I always thought people who complained of cravings, etc. during that nasty old TOM were just imagining things. I never experienced any food cravings during my TOM. (Man, I love all the different ways you can use TOM in written form!)

But you know what I figured out? I never experienced any cravings because I never noticed the cravings. I just always ate everything I ever wanted as SOON as I wanted it and that was life. However, since I began eating better and less frequently I noticed that there would be a period of a few days each month that it was really hard to resist temptations. Hmm. I finally put the two together and I am now a TOM-hater just like the rest of you.

I have been doing some research and I found these tips on controlling PMS. I have no idea if they work but it's worth a shot, right?

  • Eat complex carbohydrates (such as whole grain breads, pasta and cereals), fiber and protein. Cut back on sugar and fat.
  • Avoid salt for the last few days before your period to reduce bloating and fluid retention.
  • Cut back on caffeine to feel less tense and irritable and to ease breast soreness.
  • Cut out alcohol. Drinking it before your period can make you feel more depressed.
  • Try eating up to 6 small meals a day instead of 3 larger ones.
  • Get aerobic exercise. Work up to 30 minutes, 4 to 6 times a week.
  • Get plenty of sleep--about 8 hours a night.
  • Keep to a regular schedule of meals, bedtime and exercise.
  • Try to schedule stressful events for the week after your period.
Seth, let me know how those work out for ya! ;)
PS--Sorry, Justin. I had to do this.

PPS--My new weigh-in day is Wednesday because FP4H meeting night has been changed. I will report that I am still at 187 as of this morning.


CinciMom11 said...

Wow! I loved this post! Great info, girl! Poop... My son was a one-a-day baby for his first few months, then he switched to like 6-8 times per day. Babies really are amazing. I just wrote about his first poop ON the potty on my blog, haha. Thanks for putting a msile on my face with this one!

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

Lol, my son used to strip every time he used the toilet too, regardless of where we were. Thank goodness for the growing number of "family restrooms" because my husband just couldn't deal with it & my son refused to go in the girls restroom before he outgrew the stripping.

To add more confusion to life, I don't call TOM, TOM... its GEORGE for me. :-)

Nicole @ Let Them Eat Lettuce said...

Appreciate the openness, I find poop a fascinating subject! Also, it's kinda gross because I can now tell when I am not treating my body right because I get majorly constipated. If I stick to healthy eating, I poop twice a day, I love it!

Keelie said...

Julie--that is hilarious!

Nicole--I think I read about poop on your blog and decided I wanted to do a post about it..thanks for the inspiration. ha!

Holy Hannah said...

I love that you posted about poop. I personally love pooping. I am a once every few days pooper. I would like to be a once a day. Personally I think that the feeling right after you have a good poop is one of my top ten. I am glad that someone else shares my interests. :-)


Maria said...

I love this post! And, now that I am starting to have pre-TOM signs and symptoms again (recent diagnosis of PCOS which is getting better with my weight loss) I am a TOM-hater, too! =) It messes with my poop schedule and my eating plan. Thanks for the tips and some scoop on poop!

Kristin Hope said...

I think I need to go poop now.... :)

Kelly said...

This is real stuff!!! Glad you put it out there.. I've actually been thinking about a poop blog, just had no idea how to do it. You covered it great! ha!

And TOM !!! I'll never forget when you commented on my blog about TOM! Too funny! TOM is visiting this week, darn it! But I will still post a loss this week! I'm so determined!

Keep on rocking it Keelie!

Tammy said...

Dude...I have major poop issues, lol....and since you brought it up, I'm gonna' share!!!

I am the Queen of Constipation, and good Lord it can be painful. I finally heard about some herbal tea from my friend that will help you go. So I have to drink a cup every 3 days to clear things out. 3 days is my limit...after that long, I can start throwing up, because there's too much "food" in my system that not's moving through, and it's determined to come out the other end if I don't take care of the problem. What a total pain in the ass....lmao...that pun wasn't intended...but hey..I'm gonna' go with it! :)

cmoursler said...

yeah, I never got 'cravings' either..until I stopped eating the earth...and whadduya know.
I did.
pooping,it's hit and miss. lol.

Fat Girl in a Wedding Dress said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! We all poop more than once a month...and for those who don't, they definitely wish they did!

This post was hilarious!!

Vaia said...

I always send my coworkers information on poop!! It's a really good way to determine health too! Thanks for reassuring me I'm not a pooper!! And I also call TOM, TOM! Great post!

Seth said...

ha! Not sure how many Seth's you know but I'll keep those in mind!

I actually do most of those but not for TOM.

{Absolutely, Positively} Josie said...

well, thank goodness SOMEBODY is talking about poop on here. i have wanted to several times, but kinda backed out because i'm not so sure anyone but me is excited that i'm going literally about three times more often now than i did before.

and thank you for the tips on TOM. i always go back and forth between TOM and aunt flo. i, too, always thought people with the TOM cravings were just jumping on a bandwagon. but, i think my own problem was that, TOM would come to town, and somehow i'd get the urge to binge, and since that happened so often, i never thought twice about hormones or whatever it is.

oooh, banana ice cream. the love of my life! have you ever tried peanut butter & co's dark chocolate dreams pb? that's what i've been using in mine. and topping it with annie's naturals bunnies for crunch. i think i'm having some tomorrow, and i kinda wanna switch it up- maybe walnuts and maple syrup? so EXCITED!

and doing a pie with it sounds amazing, so thanks! and sorry this is a book.

Kate said...

People always complained about PMS and I was like, "Nope! Never have it!" Until I quit drinking. Haha! I never had it because I was either drunk or hung over, so I didn't notice. Now, I don't know that I really crave anything before, but my temper sure is fiery which makes me cry. I know - I'm weird, but I can't get mad, so I cry. It's stupid.

Jen said...

You are hilarious! My first read every time I'm on blogs.

Diane Fit to the Finish said...

This post had me laughing out loud! So many truths here.

By the way - you look amazing!

Jess said...

Great tips! I might have to try the whole cold glass of water in the mornings. I totally believe that we could all be full of crap! Literally. Supposedly when John Wayne died, they found 50 lbs of poop that had petrified in his intestines from being so blocked up. I want to try a colon cleanse! for sure!

Nichole said...

I had to laugh when I read that little tidbit about your son. My friend's husband does the exact same thing...and he's 37!