Stop the Insanity!

re·lapse

• (of someone suffering from a disease) Suffer deterioration after a period of improvement
• A deterioration in someone's state of health after a temporary improvement
  Return to (a less active or a worse state)
• go back to bad behavior
• backsliding: a failure to maintain a higher state

I think we would be hard pressed to find someone who has attempted to lose weight and not, at some point, experienced relapse. It is a HUGE deal and it must be addressed. Because if we can beat relapse, we can win at losing!

There are clear-cut steps that can be taken to prevent a relapse. Here they are:

1. Recognize
2. Accept
3. Avoid

Learn to Recognize Our Vulnerability
This is the "work" part of it. We have to be on the constant lookout for traps and temptations. At first this will be tough because it might take a relapse actually happening in order to recognize it. But when it does, write it down. The most effective way I have found to identify the root of temptation is to find patterns. Is the stumble always happening at the same place? With the same people? At the same time? Under the same circumstances? It's probably not about the food at all, but rather a situational trigger.

One pattern that I recognized early on is that every time I go to my parents' house (where I grew up) I am tempted. It is a conditioned response for me--every time I walk in the door I go straight to the pantry and then to the fridge. Rinse and repeat until I leave...And when I finally leave I am a mess because of everything I ate.

Accept Our Vulnerability
Was it easy to accept that going to my childhood home was going to be a problem for me? No. Was is easy to accept that restaurants cause me major problems? No. Was it easy to accept that one of my all time favorite things to do, Christmastime baking, leads me down a very dark path? No. Was it easy to accept that watching TV breeds inactivity and hinders my ability to care for the people I love? No. This is the hardest part. I love going to my parents' house and I thoroughly enjoy eating out. Baking brings joy to my soul and watching TV is relaxing. I could easily say that these things are part of "who I am" and I'm not willing to give them up or compromise where they are concerned. Indeed, I did just that for many years. But look where that got me. It wasn't until I chose to ACCEPT my vulnerabilities that I could deal with them.

Avoid Our Vulnerability
This is the part that is hard to swallow. This may mean completely avoiding certain acquaintances, places, and events because of the overwhelming temptation that accompanies them. Being alone at my parents' house is one thing I never do anymore. There was a period of time that I never went to a restaurant. Family's going? Not me. (I have developed some more self-control in this area now, so I do eat out more, but I still struggle) Eliminating something that has been a huge part of our life is difficult.

However, it doesn't always have to be an elimination. Perhaps rehearsing the way you'd like to see things play out would help. Or choosing a place to eat that has a healthy option you like. Maybe you could find a new route home that doesn't go past the Taco Bell. It takes some thought, some time and some determination, but we can save ourselves from falling back into the pit. We have to take responsibility and ownership of this process and make it work for us!

This little saying has meant so much to me: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!" In other words, you can't keep living life the exact same way and expect to see different results. This is INSANITY!

Stop it.

Some ideas expressed in this post are adapted from the First Place 4 Health book, Simple Ideas for Healthy Living, article entitled "Relapse Prevention."

Weigh In: Maintenance

Well, I could have predicted this. Don't get me wrong--I am perfectly happy with maintaining the lowest weight I can remember in about 7 years. I am just a little upset with myself because I can't tell you that I don't know how this happened. Or that TOM had come to visit. Or that I have been stressed. Or that I haven't been able to work out.

None of those apply. What I will tell you is that I made a choice this week. I chose to not lose weight. When I began to consume things that I had not planned on and had no intentions of recording, that's when I decided I would not lose weight this week. Even though I didn't say it outloud deep down I knew that's what I was doing.

So, I begin this new week with a great outlook. I am prepared to make the choices that have gotten me to where I am thus far in the journey!

Oh, I almost forgot. Here are the answers from the Pop Quiz:

1.tea
2. no
3. salmon
4. no

There was only one person who {absolutely, positively} got it right! ;)

Pop Quiz

I decided it was time to have a little quiz. The results of this quiz will tell me what type of image I am portraying on this blog. It will tell me if I am being REAL enough with you. It will tell me if you really know me. At all.

Let me set this up. Yesterday I was taking my BFF for a mani/pedi for her Christmas present (don't ask) and afterward I had some pretty tough choices to make. We ended up at a favorite place of ours--Chili's.

We've shared a good many conversations, laughs, and calories while sitting in a booth at Chili's. The familiar Spanish tile on the tables, the unique decor, the overwhelming smell of grease...It's almost like a home away from home.

It was a bittersweet homecoming for me. You see, I haven't been to Chili's since I made The Change.

Side note: I'm calling it that now--THE CHANGE.

It's not that I don't trust myself, but really, why even go there? Why push it? Unfortunately yesterday I had a gift card and a rebellious spirit. I was feeling rebellious against The Change.

Back up a few days...

I had been at my mom's and there with me sat a big Tupperware container of fudge. I totally had a moment of weakness and ate some. And when I say some I mean a lot. And when I say a lot I mean WAY too much.

That was the day I wrote about The Burn. When I told my mom that her fudge had been my inspiration for the writing of that post she couldn't believe it. She had assumed I pushed through the burn of the fudge. Well, you know what they say about assuming...

Wouldn't that have been nice though. To have actually listened to what the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and apply it? Yeah.

So then a day later I was back at mom's. (Note to self: consider not going to mom's).This time the fudge was gone but I had the munchies. I had already been to Chic fil-a and resisted my usual 12 nuggets and fries and the occasional chick-fil-a sandwich to boot. I opted for the char grilled sandwich but ate a few fries. The whole fry decision was playing with my mind. It made me go bonkers in my mom's pantry.

You want to hear the sad part? I abused my body with healthy stuff. I overloaded on smoked almonds, dried apricots, 1% cheese (yuk), deli ham and some other stuff. Uggh! I could go on but you can tell this was not a good day.

So I was still trying to recover from this binge, all the while feeling like a complete idiot because I know I am going to have to come on the blog and fess up after I just wrote all about resisting temptation...IDIOT!

Now I bring you back to the booth at Chili's yesterday...and the Quiz begins!

#1. Did I order a margarita (because after all, it was Margarita Madness) or did I have tea with Equal sweetener?

#2. Did I order chips and queso (and a side of avocado ranch) or forgo the appetizer?

#3. Did I order:

A. Guiltless Salmon with steamed veggies, rice and no butter

or

B. Chicken Crispers

#4. Did I order THIS for dessert?

I will say that I literally experienced anguish while trying to make the decisions you are being quizzed on. I can also tell you I won't be going back to Chili's anytime soon.

Now, how well do you know me? Everyone better answer--but think carefully before doing so. Feel free to explain the reasons for your answers.

The Burn

They say that during exercise, when it burns is when your body is changing the most. I try to think of that in the midst of my pain and wind sucking and many times I am able to push even harder. Yea me!

But let me tell you about the "burn" that is even harder for me to push through. The burn of temptation.

It's the burn of wanting a piece of fudge so bad I could bite my thumb off. It's the burn of seeing a Taco Bueno and literally feeling the force of gravity pulling my car into the drive thru. It's the burn of wanting to eat the 3 nuggets my kid left on his plate. It's the burn of wanting to eat a piece of enriched flour, chewy white bread (you know the kind that sticks to the roof of your mouth) with a monstrous slather of peanut butter at 11:30 at night.

You want to talk about burn? THAT'S what I call burn.

But it just dawned on me that I could apply the same principle regarding "exercise burn" to "temptation burn." Pushing through the burn of temptation and allowing the the moment to pass by...that is when my MIND changes the most.

When I am able to step outside of myself and see the burn for what it really is--an opportunity for personal growth--then I can push through. By doing this I prove to myself that even though it hurts like heck, I CAN do it.

Each time I do it, it makes the next temptation burn a little less. And a little less. And I suspect that pretty soon I may not even notice the burn.

Just as a trainer encourages the athlete to push through the burn, so shall He encourage me:

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

I have yet to resist a food temptation and regret it. TRUST that you will be okay. Next time you are feeling the temptation burn, remember that your mind is being transformed and that is awesome.

I'm Giving You Permission

After recently experiencing a death in our family, I have been thinking a lot about eternity. On the day I accepted Christ as my Savior, my eternal life began. If you are not a Christian, keep reading because this post applies to everyone. Promise...

I am living out my eternity RIGHT NOW. In the moment that I die, I am still going to be alive. More alive than ever before, actually. So what the Bible tells us is that we don't have to wait to get to heaven to start living out our eternity. We are living it right now.

I was thinking about how closely this concept can be related to those who have committed to a new way of living. A healthy lifestyle, if you will.

Once the decision is made, and continues to be made on a daily basis, you have changed the person that you are. Even though the physical body is not a perfect reflection of that, it really doesn't matter. What is in your head and flows out through your actions--that is what matters.

I feel like I want to give permission to all of you people out there (I've already given it to myself) who are trying so hard to achieve a healthy weight to consider yourself the "new you" RIGHT NOW. We don't have to wait until the scale is flashing our goal weight to proclaim that we are a different person. A changed person. A better person than we were before.

We don't have to wait until we are that perfect size [fill in the blank] to purchase new clothing or invent a new look for ourselves. We don't have to wait until we can run a 5K at lightening speed to enter a race. We don't have to wait until we meet the worldly standard of looking good to accept WHO WE ARE and who we are becoming...

Accept yourself--today.

Love yourself--today.

Pamper yourself--today.

Be proud of yourself--today.

Once you have made the change on the inside--truly have--that is when the rest of your life begins. Today really can be the first day of the rest of your life! You don't have to wait to celebrate that.

Down But Not Out

What is up with all the "down" attitudes around the blogosphere this week? I thought it was just me, but I have read blog after blog of peeps who are super frustrated and having a hard time. I haven't posted about it much, but I have felt myself slipping a time or two in the past few days. I am starting to lose the fire I began with. Why is this happening to us? WHY?!!

I had time to think while I was perusing aisles at the supermarket tonight and it hit me. Biggest Loser fans--you will get this. We are at the point in the show where one of the super heavy-weights is holding onto the rails of the treadmill. Pretty soon Bob comes up to tell them to get their blankety-blank hands off the blankety-blank treadmill. Then the person says they can't. They start to cry. Bob laughs in their face and hurls a few more obscenities their way...

But underneath it all--the spitting, the cursing, the rage--what Bob is really trying to say is: DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP.

This is when they... I... YOU have always given up before. Am I right? This is when it isn't new anymore. Going to workout doesn't have quite the same appeal it did. It is getting harder. The pounds aren't melting off and it's just not as rewarding as it used to be. This is the crossroads we all come to and we have to make a choice.

This time I say we make a different choice. We have to. Do whatever you need to do. Cry, scream, eat a gallon of ice cream (okay, maybe don't do that) but whatever you do, when you are done doing it--choose to press on. There is a prize to be had and I, for one, have never gone far enough to reach it. This time I am. I SO am.

Are you?

Momentum

I always start a diet (Yes, a diet. Let's just call it what it is! Until I reach a goal weight, I am on a diet. I would like for it to be a lifestyle change and hopefully it will be. But for right now, its just a diet. I feel like "diet " is a dirty word these days. Well, not in my book. Diet, diet, diet) Okay, sorry. As I was saying...

I always start a diet with gusto, but look up 6 months down the road to find the momentum has taken a turn in the wrong direction. I have gained several...tens of pounds and am left thinking that if I had only kept the momentum going in the right direction I would be down that many pounds. It is frustrating.

Such a slippery slope, falling off the wagon. You have been doing amazingly well for a month or so. You pass up candy at the office, drive past the Taco Bell that is calling your name, order the grilled chicken instead of the chicken fried steak at your favorite restaurant. You're doing SO good!

But then it slowly begins to happen. About 9 o'clock one evening you are craving something sweet. Chocolate, I imagine. You try to distract yourself from the cookie dough sitting in the refrigerator. You go to sleep. 10:30 you sit up in bed. You think to yourself, If it's in the middle of the night and I eat it, there's no line to write the points down. It must not count. (Yes, this is the distorted and seriously SICK logic a food addict might use. We're crazy.) You get up and eat some dough. And then some more dough. Before you know it, you are throwing the package away and feeling really bad about the decision you just made.

You wake up the next day and start out in good spirits. You have every intention of getting "right back on track." But as you are heading to work you realize you have a few extra minutes. McDonald's is on the way. Hmm, you already messed up the night before. It's going to be a bad week anyway. Might as well drive through for breakfast.

Lunch rolls around. The stuff you packed doesn't sound good. Your buds are going to drive through somewhere. Heck, its Friday!

And then--the weekend. Well, let's just say it ain't pretty. You get discouraged. You spend a few weeks following this pattern and before you know it the hard work that you had put in during the early weeks, it's all down the tubes. You failed. Miserably.

But.

But, what if momentum were to go the other way? What if the good choices began to build on one another and the more that were made, the easier it became to make them. Eventually perhaps McDonald's didn't even catch your eye. Maybe you would actually rather have the grilled food instead of the fried. And maybe, you could teach yourself to stay on track even after you mess up.

Momentum.

I want to be so far in, that there's no turning back. Wonder what that will be like? Feel like? Look like?

I'm about to find out.

Leave Tomorrow Out of It

I'm going to start a diet...tomorrow.
I'm going to workout harder...tomorrow.
I'm going to get back on track...tomorrow.
I'm going to clean my house...tomorrow.
I'm going to call so and so...tomorrow.
I'm going to catch up on my Bible reading...tomorrow.
I'm going return the library books...tomorrow.

This list could most certainly go on and on. I'll stop to say that these are all lines I have fed to myself or others in the past. Some of them even today.

Why is it that tomorrow always seems like such a better plan than today? Probably because tomorrow has it's own tomorrow which I usually choose to wait for as well. Tomorrow is far away. I don't have to face it until well, tomorrow.

This is another one of those pesky behavior patterns I have been talking about. I have identified it in myself and now it is time to do something about it. If I examine the list from above, I can truly see the detriment my procrastination will continue to cause in my life.

I'm starting a diet tomorrow.
I could have lost a pound today.
I'm going to workout harder tomorrow.
A wasted opportunity to reach a new goal today.
I'm going to get back on track tomorrow.
Giving up on a whole day for a small mistake will make me feel horrible about myself.
I'm going to clean my house tomorrow.
The house will get a LOT more dirty today.
I'm going to call so and so tomorrow.
So and so may really need to hear a word of encouragement from me today.
I'm going to catch up on my Bible reading tomorrow.
I will miss what God has to say to me TODAY.
I'm going to return the library books tomorrow.
Today I don't owe a fine, tomorrow I do.

There is a Julia Roberts movie out there called My Best Friend's Wedding. One of the scenes has two would-be lovers riding on a boat. They are dancing, gazing into each other's eyes. They are talking about LOVE. Suddenly the boat approaches a bridge that it must pass under. As they glide into the shadow of the bridge the man looks at the woman and tells her "If you love someone, you say it right then, out loud. Or the moment just...passes you by." Neither of them say it and then they glide out of the shadow and that is when you know this movie isn't that great after all because they aren't getting together. Boo. I digress...

So here's what I'm thinking. If you want to live life like you really "mean it" then you just do stuff. Right then--when it needs to be done. I am tired of life's moments passing me by because I decided to wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow is highly overrated, it seems. For now, I'm just going to leave tomorrow out of it.

Goal No.1 Reached

My reward for reaching Goal #1 of 209lbs!!!

• workout shirt (which I am wearing)
• The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga
• socks with a pink line so "no one" can steal them
• Yoga mat

As previously stated, I have attempted to lose weight many times in the past and so this is not the first time I have rewarded myself for goals reached. However, the old me would have rewarded herself with food. This is what an old reward list might have looked like:

10 lbs lost--Hot Fudge Sundae!!

20 lbs lost--a week of eating whatever I want!!

great weigh-in--drive through Taco Bueno!!

Hmm. Do we understand the problem with this behavior pattern? Totally fuels the fire we are trying to put out. Thankfully, God has graced me with some clarity in this matter and I realize now that the reward has to be a springboard for more success. This is my current reward list (permanently posted on the sidebar):

209 lbs -- new workout clothes

199 lbs -- new outfit

189 lbs -- haircut, mani & pedi

179 lbs -- massage

169 lbs -- new outfit

159 lbs -- girls weekend

149 lbs -- family portrait

140 lbs -- tropical vacay w/ Hubs

All of these things will make me feel better about myself and encourage me to keep going. Yes, they might be a little costly but becoming healthy will save lots of money in the long run (ie. fewer medications, surgeries, etc.) At least that's what I'm telling the hubs. Quite a bit of truth to it, no?

I will leave you with a glimpse of my yoga "buddies." They make it impossible such a blast to work out in the comfort of my own home!

I really, really did not want to include this one since the gut is taking center stage, but I have to stay true to my "keepin' it real" theme. No guts--no glory, right?! AND I found out my deep lunge isn't so deep...need to work on that. Thank you, disgusting photograph.

And while I am being real, I might as well tell you that I ate several crackers with high-fat cheese last night. And a few Doritos with bean dip. Oh, and some peanut butter crackers. (I waited too long to eat dinner and went bonkers) Back on track today though. Yay me.

Okay--so what rewards are you planning for yourself? I want to know.

Sausage Ball Stand-Off

Last night the kids and I stayed over at my parents' house as we sometimes do when Justin is on shift. Around 7 pm my 4 year-old declared that he would like some sausage balls. My saintly mother promptly obliged. She sat down and for about 20 minutes used her hands to mix the most irresistible sausage balls this side of heaven. Seriously unbelievable.

Side note: I think they'll have sausage balls in heaven, don't you?

Now, I have been given a spirit of self-control, but COME. ON. I had to smell all 5 batches being baked. I refrained. I then had to wake up at 3 am with a coughing hacking baby and sit in the same room with them on an empty stomach. I refrained. I then had to watch everyone else eat them for breakfast while I ate my Raisin Bran and banana.

In the past, I would have already put away a whole bag of those puppies but it really wasn't that difficult to pass them up this go round. I know what they taste like. I've had plenty in my lifetime. I know how to make them. I know where to have them made for me. If I just HAVE to have a sausage ball at some point in my life--I can. But for now, I'm good.

Sausage Ball, you CAN'T defeat me!

Ugly/Beautiful Truth

So--Melissa from the Biggest Loser. We all pretty much can't stand her. She's a liar, according to Bob and Jillian. She's a tad obnoxious. She cries an awful lot.

But.

But last night I had a revelation. I AM Melissa. We all are a little bit. Haven't we all lied when it comes to our bodies and this weight loss thing? At some point haven't we allowed the truth to bend? I say yes, we have.

I have had a perfect week on paper and acted surprised when the scale didn't reflect it, even though I knew the paper wasn't reality. I lied.

I have looked at my face and only my face in the mirror for so long, that I began to forget the rest of me existed. As long as the face is presentable, I'm okay. Right? No. I lied.

I have avoided social situations that are uncomfortable many times because I am self conscious. I would say that I didn't feel like it or that wasn't really my cup of tea. I lied.

I have gone to the gym and given about 10% of the effort I could to the workout and about 90% to the TV there...only to return home without ever being able to regain those minutes I took from my kids, my husband, myself. I lied.

I have driven through a fast food restaurant on my way home from work and then proceeded to sit down to a full course dinner with my family. And get seconds. I lied.

I have tried to convince myself that it's what's on the inside that counts, even though I never thought twice about what I put INSIDE mouth. I have chosen to believe that I could simply disregard exercise and the conditioning of my body because "I am not that vain."

I chose to believe a lie. Though subtle, these are LIES.

When Bob looked at Melissa last night and told her that she had gained his respect back, I felt like he could have been talking to me. Because I'm not lying to myself anymore. Huge. I have come face to face with the ugly truth of what I am, but in doing so I am now also face to face with the beautiful truth of what I can become.

So I submit to myself, Melissa, and fat girls everywhere--

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Behavior Analysis Pays Off

I practiced my new behavior pattern in the gym this week. It was the third time I was running my mile without stopping. It hurt SO bad. I began to think 'I'll just stop and walk really fast. It's basically the same. I can run tomorrow.' But then I realized that is what the old behavior pattern was--stop when the going gets tough. So I went against my tendency and pushed through the pain. By the end of the week I had run 3 miles on different occasions, of course. I am going to add 1/10 mile each week and that should put me at my goal of 2 miles in 12 weeks (I'm on week 2). I am pumped about this!

I also practiced the new behavior pattern in the food department. I took my son to a friend's birthday party where I knew there would be pizza. I always follow the rule of "eat before you go so you won't be hungry" but since I don't really mind eating when I'm not hungry, this technique usually doesn't work for me. Well, the inevitable moment came--they brought out 4 ooey gooey pizzas. I began to rationalize, 'it would be rude not to eat the pizza since the hostess had to pay for them. Plus I have done so good all week, surely one piece of pizza won't hurt.' But THEN! Then I remembered that was the old behavior pattern and I had to reverse it. So I didn't eat any pizza! And guess what? I lived.

I will weigh in at my meeting in a couple of hours and will report back with that info. I think I had a good week on the scale, but more importantly my mind is being transformed. Each time I practice this new pattern of pressing on, the easier it will be to leave the old pattern behind. One day, the "new way" will be my normal way. I can DO this. Praise the Lord--HE can surely do this!

LOVE this from Titus 2:
11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.

Behavioral Analysis

Those of you who know me well are aware of my fascination with the TV show Criminal Minds. Incredible show. I had to quit watching a few months ago when I became convinced that 43% of people I encountered in any given day were serial killers.

Anyhoo...this is the Criminal Minds team. The BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) of the FBI. They specialize in analyzing criminal behaviors in order to create a "profile" so that criminals can be caught more efficiently. Spencer is my favorite. But they are all awesome.

Since I stopped analyzing every Tom, Dick, and Harry that cross my path, I have had extra time to analyze some of my own unfortunate behaviors. You know--the ones that placed me at 200+ on the scales. (Hey--the more I admit it, the less likely I am to forget it.)

You can blame it on genetics, a crummy childhood, low self-esteem, stress...whatever. These are all the types of things that might trigger bad behavioral patterns but let us note that it is, in fact, the faulty behavioral patterns that make us fat. I think I have identified the main "criminal behavior" pattern in my life.

So here it is:

1. Realize that I am called to be committed to "x" in my life
2. Gung-Ho about "x"
3. Stick to "x" until it gets boring, hard, uncomfortable, etc.
4. Quit "x"
5. Time passes with no commitment to (and usually stray far, far from) "x"
6. Repeat items 1-5
7. Repeat item 6, indefinitely

Wouldn't it just be easier (in the long run) to:

1. Realize that I am called to be committed to "x" in my life
2. Stick to "x" even when it gets boring, hard, uncomfortable, etc.
3. Repeat 1 and 2 everyday through prayer, determination and by the grace of God

Yes, I think so.

Note: I used "x" because I can apply many things other than a healthy lifestyle to this equation: daily reliance on the Lord, keeping my house in order, being consistent with my children's discipline, etc.

In keeping with the Criminal Minds theme, I will leave you with a poignant quote:

Paul (from the Bible) once said, "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14