July 12, 2010

O Boobs, Where Art Thou?

Oh, yes. I see you. Way down there.

Sigh.

Remember when you used to be up here? Yeah, those were the days. Although I seem to have taken you for granted. Your perkiness, your symmetry, your equality. I am so sorry I neglected to appreciate you back then.

Through the years I have put you through a lot. First of all, I am sorry for the wires and things that I use on and around you. I know you must feel restricted. Believe me, if I could have it any other way, I would.

I am also sorry for forcing you into the dairy industry a couple times. That had to be traumatic for you. I know it was for me.

Finally I am sorry for eating so much that I made you into something you were never intended to be. I made you get fat, too. You probably resent me for that. I can't blame you.

But now that we are all getting smaller again, I really wish that you would consider rising back up to your original position. I am hoping that gradually you will return to me. You are so very far, far away right now. You are almost unrecognizable. You are deflated.

Even though you must feel very drained, I ask you to set your emotions aside and pull yourself up out of the pits, literally. Return to the bouncy and bubbly girls you once were. Please!! Defy that evil thing we call gravity. Forgive me.

Oh--and if it's not too much to ask, do it together; evenly and at the same time.

Thanks, girls. I know that together we can make amends. I love you. Looking forward to sharing the same hemosphere again.
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P.S.--Don't NOBODY tell me this can't happen. I believe in miracles!!! Even the medical kind ;)

24 comments:

Carmen said...

they must be in the same place where socks go when they jump out of the dryer :-)

Emily said...

Amen, sister!!!!!

Sigh....

Love the "dairy industry" comment.

Double-triple-love your new profile picture. :)

Deb said...

You're a hoot....this is just too cute!!!

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

You just made my day. I laughed and smiled and sympathized with you 100% through this post. I have faith your girls will return north to their upright and locked tray seat positions! You look amazing girl!

P.S. The one thing I want to drop in weight are my girls Betty and Wilma as i call them... so far I'm down 2.5" and I couldn't be happier!!!

Molly said...

You made me laugh! Thanks!

purple_moonflower123 said...

Oh yes, my girls have seen better days. Medical intervention may be necessary!

Trisha said...

Oh the good old days! When the girls led the way. Now they just look at my toes and keep my ribs warm.

I too miss the old days!

TJ said...

great post! :)

Sharlie said...

Just found ur blog and love it!

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Oh my... this is my letter too!! It's a sad sad thing... I mourn mine...

You know the Barney song: "Do you ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro"? I think of that song w/ my chest...

"Do you boobs hand low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier, do your boobs hang low?" (yes, the do!)

~Margene

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Oh my... Kelly above there... My man has named mine the exact same names (since we were married) Betty and Wilma. That is amazing! Yet, it is from the Flintstones so I guess it's not too far fetched! tee hee

~Margene

Fat Girl vs. World said...

the right bra can do wonders...
same with push ups...

Keelie said...

Oh, the girls look just fine with a bra on. It's in their free state that needs the miracle. After all this work..I'm going to make dang sure everything looks just fine in it's "free and natural state"--no matter what I have to do!!

Deb Willbefree said...

Oh, too, too funny! Hahahaha. I can surely relate. lol

Did you know that when you hit 58 years old, your bum goes south, too? I didn't know that! I didn't. One day I looked back there--and it was gone. Sagged south! blech.

Soon my knees are going to have more company than they'll know what to do with.

Deb

cmoursler said...

You are too funnY! I feel your pain.

Kate said...

I work for a plastic surgeon who specializes in cleft lip and palate repair, but that doesn't mean we don't do boobs on occasion. But his favorite phrase is, "Are you expecting me to reverse time? Only God can do that." And well, it's true. He can't.

Patrick said...

Hhmm, what oh what can I possibly contribute here to this post... I know, an old favorite: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon people are going to think we're nuts!

No, not good. Hhmmm, how about: What do model train sets and women’s breasts have in common? Both are intended for children, but it’s the fathers that always end up playing with them.

Better, no? Hhmmm, I got no more.

Melissa Miller said...

LOL! Too cute! I can relate. I wish it would happen to me as well.

PS Patrick is hilarious too. Ha! :)

Aunt Janet said...

I too feel your pain. My girls have their own theme song, Love Lift Us Where We Belong. I am afraid it will take more than love.

So-Me said...

Sooo funny! I can definitely relate. I just hope for mine to get smaller. My husband disagrees, but too bad for him :)

Cara

Miz said...

its funny because its true---up in herre as well.

A friends child asked her yesterday MAMA WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS SO LONG.

the things we women go through :)

xo xo


MizFit

Can do mom said...

Hi Keelie!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. I've been making an effort to spend less time on the computer and more time reading. Plus summertime is busy! Anyway, I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.

This post is a riot and you look mahvelous darling! Keep up the good work, you are more than halfway there!

Jodie

Vaia said...

Umm, amazing post.
I decided awhile back that once the weight is gone, I will be treating myself to a breast lift. These girls need to be at attention even if they don't want to be! Ha!

Chris in FL--Joyful Mother said...

Yep...miracles can happen. ha ha! Love the post and so true!