Hmmm. So I haven't posted on here in a while. I think we all know why, so I'll just cut the crap.
Here's the deal. I WANT TO BE THIN. I feel like that reality is unattainable. That is frustrating, maddening, depressing, and self-destructive. What to do?
All I know to do is something that I have done a million times before (it seems) and that is to diet. And exercise. This is NOT rocket science--I know. The only problem is that I never do these things long enough to get thin. And I wonder--even if I did do it long enough to get thin...what then?
When I am on a health kick, I find myself longing for the day I can eat fast food again. Heck, I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant with Glory partly because I knew I could loosen up my healthy eating habits. Even though what I was doing (WW) was absolutely not difficult and I had lost 30 pounds. What is wrong with me!?!?!?!
Ahhh! Grrrr! Arrrrg.
So, here I go again.
There is a book I read before and the lady (who had lost a bunch of weight by praying and relying on God) said that there is a skinny person inside all of us. Really? Really, cause I am starting to wonder. When is my skinny person gonna show up?
Hello, skinny person inside me? Yeah, you. I'm really ready for you to get your butt out here. You gotta be cramped up in there--you haven't been out in 30 years for crying out loud. Where ARE you? If you could start making your way out here, that would be great. Thanks.
October 2009
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Today has been a MUCH better day as I indicated on my REAL FAT Facebook posting earlier. I made good choices all day, even resisted Taco Bueno at one point. I am going to go for a walk later this evening. This is GOOD. This is very good.
You all have been so sweet to encourage me and I KNOW there have been prayers offered on my account because I feel strengthened and renewed.
I do want to say one last thing before I end possibly the longest blog post in blogging history...
I was really upset yesterday. I think that was pretty clear. But the thing that bothers me is not that I have come to a standstill with my weight loss, necessarily. As my good friend and best cheerleader pointed out in an email, it's like I'm resting on a landing of a very big flight of stairs. (She said it better) My body needs to catch up with my weight. And I'm okay with that.
Let's just put it this way--you have NO idea what I have been eating the past couple of weeks. It would scare you. And that's what scared me. Resting in between the flights with a bottle of water and fresh veggies--okay. Resting in between the flights while double-fisting burritos, downing full sugar Dr. Pepper, etc...not so much.
Thanks again, you guys. You are the best. Now--moving on...
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9 comments:
Good Girl!! You know, I don't even remember where I came across your blog. I think maybe you found mine first. But I'm so glad to know you and to cheer you on. You totally inspire me, even when your struggling. Because you keep struggling. You don't give up and say oh well. And I have no doubt that you'll get all the way to the top of those flights of stairs - and you'll find that "skinny" you waiting at the top!
sent some prayers up for you yesterday, and will continue....
you are a flat-out honest girl, and i love that about you. i keep thinking about how much you inspired me around Easter. i was inventing excuses and having such a hard time grabbing hold, and you were (and ARE) strong and inspiring.
You got this one, Keelie, you do!
Deb
Hey Keelie,
Not sure if this will help but I thought I would send it your way just in case.
In my sulking last night I remembered finding this on the internet and reading it some time ago. I re-read it last night and it did help my mindset a bit. My run today was quite a bit better than yesterday. I hope this will help to lift your mood at least a little.
Paper Towel Theory
Someone posted this in another forum that I visit. I think it is VERY applicable to all of us in our weightloss journeys no matter what we're doing to get there. This was posted with Body For Life participants (a 12 week challenge created by Bill Phillips) in mind as the audience so there are some references to the Body For Life workouts and eating mannerisms. No matter what approach you're taking to lose the fat it can be applied to all of us and it is something all of us need to keep in mind as we go along this journey!!
Blozzom :-)
ALL-IN Inspiration...........PAPER TOWEL THEORY!!!
A guy by the name of Bob White gets credit for this AWESOME theory. Here’s a little inspiration for those of you who are worried about not seeing any changes in your body so far. It’s what I call the “Paper Towel Theory”.
Let’s assume you go out and buy two rolls of paper towels, each with only 84 paper towels on it (one for each day of the challenge). You put one aside, and keep it for future reference (your “before” picture). The other one represents you (I’ll call your paper towel you “Ed”). The core represents the lean Ed. The towels represent the fat that is covering the lean Ed. For sake of argument, let’s say that Ed wants to lose 21 pounds of fat, so (84/21) each sheet represents a quarter-pound of fat lost. Let’s also assume that Ed loses his fat equally during each day of the challenge.
Each day during the first week, you tear a sheet off of Ed, representing the fat he has lost for the day. Next, you put Ed next to the full roll (“Big Al”) for comparison. No noticeable difference!!! Even at the end of the week! This can’t be working for me!
But, being a good Ed, you continue to follow Body-for-LIFE. At the end of weeks two and three, you continue to compare Ed to Big Al, and still notice very little difference. That stinkin’ Bill Phillips MUST be a liar!
But Ed is determined! He works hard! Hitting his 10’s…eating his 6 daily meals. Three more weeks go by, the sheets peeling off day after day, before Ed gets up the courage to stand next to Big Al again. Holy Myoplex! Ed is skinny! OK, not skinny, but less huge!!!
By the end of the 12-week Body-for-LIFE program, Ed is down to his lean dream, or somewhere near it. Ed is happy. We are happy. Big Al – well he’s not so happy.
The lesson to be learned is that fat, like paper towels, comes off in sheets. When you are heavy, you are big around. And when you are big around, that fat is spread over a MUCH larger area – just like that outside towel sheet. The closer you get to the lean you, the more each lost pound of fat shows, because it is spread over a smaller area.
While the outside sheet may only cover 1 layer of the roll, the inside sheet may go around 4 times. That last sheet looks like it gives you 4 times the results of the first sheet, but in reality, the results are the same – your perception is just different! And you’ll never see the inside, if you aren’t patient
while the outside is coming off! - Bob White
Love it! Thanks Jen :)
Hi, Keelie. There's an award for you on the sidebar of my blog. It is the "Strength in the Storm Award". It's a pink flower on a green field with the words "the Joy of the Lord is My Strength" on it.
You may have your own way of lifting things from blogs. If not, one way is to right click on it, save it as a picture, and upload it to your blog using the picture gadget. You decide whether or not you add the "Strength in the Storm" caption at the bottom.
You don't have to do anything to get this award--you have already done it. It is for those who have gone thru, or are going are holdng onto Jesus for strength as they go thru a storm.
You're doing that right now. It is quite obvious that the Lord is your strength through this difficiult, stormy time.
If you want to pass it on, you may give it to 3 people who are also holding onto Jesus and trusting HIm to get them thru their own storm.
You are to inform them of the award in a coment on their post rather than announcing it on your own. And tell them why they are getting it.
You are loved--and you will be victorious in this. It's just a little rainy right now, that's all.
Deb
I sense a renewed wind in your sails with this post. You have posted some great pictures on your side bar of your progress in the past. I think we may be seeing some new progress pics from you very soon.
Have a great weekend!
Have you heard of the book, "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. I just started reading it and well - it's totally changing the way I think about food. I think you might really benefit from it.
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