Hmmm. So I haven't posted on here in a while. I think we all know why, so I'll just cut the crap.
Here's the deal. I WANT TO BE THIN. I feel like that reality is unattainable. That is frustrating, maddening, depressing, and self-destructive. What to do?
All I know to do is something that I have done a million times before (it seems) and that is to diet. And exercise. This is NOT rocket science--I know. The only problem is that I never do these things long enough to get thin. And I wonder--even if I did do it long enough to get thin...what then?
When I am on a health kick, I find myself longing for the day I can eat fast food again. Heck, I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant with Glory partly because I knew I could loosen up my healthy eating habits. Even though what I was doing (WW) was absolutely not difficult and I had lost 30 pounds. What is wrong with me!?!?!?!
Ahhh! Grrrr! Arrrrg.
So, here I go again.
There is a book I read before and the lady (who had lost a bunch of weight by praying and relying on God) said that there is a skinny person inside all of us. Really? Really, cause I am starting to wonder. When is my skinny person gonna show up?
Hello, skinny person inside me? Yeah, you. I'm really ready for you to get your butt out here. You gotta be cramped up in there--you haven't been out in 30 years for crying out loud. Where ARE you? If you could start making your way out here, that would be great. Thanks.
Today has been a MUCH better day as I indicated on my REAL FAT Facebook posting earlier. I made good choices all day, even resisted Taco Bueno at one point. I am going to go for a walk later this evening. This is GOOD. This is very good.
You all have been so sweet to encourage me and I KNOW there have been prayers offered on my account because I feel strengthened and renewed.
I do want to say one last thing before I end possibly the longest blog post in blogging history...
I was really upset yesterday. I think that was pretty clear. But the thing that bothers me is not that I have come to a standstill with my weight loss, necessarily. As my good friend and best cheerleader pointed out in an email, it's like I'm resting on a landing of a very big flight of stairs. (She said it better) My body needs to catch up with my weight. And I'm okay with that.
Let's just put it this way--you have NO idea what I have been eating the past couple of weeks. It would scare you. And that's what scared me. Resting in between the flights with a bottle of water and fresh veggies--okay. Resting in between the flights while double-fisting burritos, downing full sugar Dr. Pepper, etc...not so much.
Thanks again, you guys. You are the best. Now--moving on...