January 2, 2011

What Did You Expect?

I had envisioned this post reading somewhat differently than I'm afraid it is going to. Sadly, I did not reach my New Year goal of weighing less than I did when the holidays began. :( It's such a bummer.

This is really frustrating and honestly, I just don't think I'm cut out for this anymore. I mean, I keep setting goals and then I fail. It's is embarrassing. It makes me mad. I don't know. I just wonder if it's even worth it anymore.

I ate so many wonderful things throughout the holidays! Dripping with butter, oozing cheeses of all kinds. I dipped and dabbed, picked and piled. Sure it was all fattening and really bad for me but you know what--it tasted so. dang. good. It was worth it. I have earned the right to eat like that. A year's worth of sacrifice I felt deserved a good splurge. Yes, all my pants are tight, but it was worth it.

Looking back on the past few weeks, I realize just what all I have been missing. I'm tired of putting forth all the effort it takes to plan my meals and to exercise. Getting the heart rate up and being out of breath is SO hard. I am tired of eating stuff like fruits and veggies. So bland. I like to fry! No one should have to give up the things that they love or the things that are comforting to them.

I'm tired of prioritizing my life around taking care of my body. I really miss sleeping in. The quiet time in the morning doesn't help me THAT much. It is such a huge inconvenience to my family for me take off for an hour everyday just to "workout." They need me there to take care of them. I don't want to be selfish and take care of me all the time. What kind of mother and wife does that!?

Sometimes it's nice to wallow in delf-doubt and self-pity. Emotions are real and need to be addressed. So what if I like to address mine with food? The moment I start chewing, the emotion goes away. I like being numb and dead to my feelings. Sometimes feelings hurt and I don't want to experience pain.

Most of all I know that God loves me no matter what. He loves me even when I'm fat. So I think I'm just going to throw caution to the wind in 2011 and make it be the year that I give up!!! Then I won't have to worry about not reaching my goals anymore. Yep, I'm done.

Not! I'm ready to ATTACK this year. Come on!!! What did you expect?
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27 comments:

Nichole @ The Pumpkin Seed said...

My heart dropped as I read through the first few lines. Though I started doubt what you were saying I was still worried :o)

Can't wait to see what the new year holds for you ....and for me :o)

Happy New Year!

Taylor said...

I totally know this was not for REAL.

Keelie said...

@Taylor: Touché :)

Lanie Painie said...

That was a FUN read!

Thank you!

I think we all get to the point once in a while, honestly and we try to pretend it doesn't happen. It's not about how many times we get knocked off the wagon though, it's the fact that we keep climbing back up after being dragged through the horsesh*t. lol

I'm totally done with setting quatitative goals my self, though. I get close and then I rebel and sabotage myself.

Have a great new year!

Sylvia said...

I was getting ready to yell at ya for a moment but as I read, I knew you were bluffing. You've come a long way...let's get 2011 together!! ;)

Sandy said...

You're so funny, Keelie! I know you can reach your goals, and enjoy breaks, too. I am so glad you are back to your other blog, too. I'll be reading your posts and praying for you and your sweet family! Love and miss you!

HopeFool said...

Holy cats! You just freaked me out!


(I read you all the time but don't think I've ever posted so, "Hi there...")

BTW, your prayer yesterday (was it yesterday?) was amazing. It moved me. Thank you.

Kerri O said...

LOL, oh my, I'm reading through that going...what? Although many of us have used all or at least some of those excuses!

{Absolutely, Positively} Josie said...

Keelie, God's strength has been proven through you so much this year that this was OBVIOUSLY a fake-out (but a nice one, at that).
nice try, sweetie!

press on!

Ashley Hartdegen said...

HAHAHAHA
LOVED IT!

you really had me at first!!

you look amazing btw! i splurged over the holidays too but ya know what! 2011 is when i will reach my final goal weight! and you will too :)

Kate said...

I must admit reading the first few lines I thought oh no! Then I got to 'I am tired of eating stuff like fruits and veggies. So bland. I like to fry!' I knew it could not be true ; )

Good luck in 2011, I am sure it will be a great year for you.

SkinnyGirl said...

Ha! You are so cute! I was reading thinking, "Whaaa?" So when I saw "Not!" It made me laugh! I'm on the same plane as you - and I, too am ready to ATTACK this year! :) I wish you all the best!

Kelly said...

I was reading and thinking .. "WHAT THE HECK??!! This is not the Keelie I know" ... FINALLY I got to the 'NOT' part! Whew! haha

Cheers to 2011 ! Rock it out Girl!

Chubby McGee said...

You're amazing.

I love looking at your progress pictures. It makes me so happy and hopeful. You RULE!!!!!

Diet Chic ~ Jury said...

omigosh you scared me!!! hahaha that was awesome, even though you splurged a little this year is going to be great!! Best of luck and Happy New Year ;)

...:::Paulina:::... said...

Keelie,

I SO love reading your blog posts. You are so real and honest- I love that! This year I'm determined to start my fitness journey, even started a blog for it! YOU are a huge inspiration and I can't wait to see what 2011 brings for both of us! :) Keep on, girlie!

Charbelle said...

I loved this one!!! So real!! I'm so glad that I found your blog!! So glad that you don't give up! I'm excited to follow along with you in 2011!! Happy New Year!!

Miranda Kaye said...

Hi, new reader here :) Going through that all I was thinking was "NOOOOOO you can do it!" hehe glad you aren't going to give up, you look effing amazing!

Keelie said...

Thanks to all of you. My blogging buddies really play a HUGE role I'm keeping this train moving.I know God sends each of you sweet little comments to me--each one a gift!

Kate said...

Giving up is the best thing ever! It means that you are giving up YOUR control over the situation and allowing God to move in. It's truly magical, Keely. You have no idea. I have no will power when it comes to alcohol. But God does. And I USE HIM as the buffer between me and IT. HE works when nothing else can. Truly and wholeheartedly. Give up! It's the best decision you will ever make.

God can do what we cannot. Period.

Christine said...

Good brother, I nearly pulled a whup up on ya. lol.
Glad it's not a bizarre slide back to fatdom. God Bless, and best wishes in the new year.

redwelliesandlongsocks said...

Crikey that post had me worried for a bit! Then I was giggling into my breakfast.

I love looking at your progress photos they are so inspiring.

Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy 2011

aj said...

To funny. You're comment on fried food made me think of my first attempt to eat better. After dropping 20 pounds, I stopped eating fresh veggies b/c my jaw hurt from all that chewing. I was tired of that! Ha ha, it's funny now. Fried foods are much easier to chew. Fortunately I only put back on 5 lbs before changing my thinking and adding what I could back in.

Praise the Lord for changing me!

Kristi said...

LOL. Such a liar! :-P

BB said...

I love your blog. I really love your hair and wondering what products do you use in it when you wear it curly.

Can do mom said...

2011 - a new year.

2010 was awesome, can't wait to see what He's got in store for us in 2011.

BTW, I stole your idea and made it my New Year's Resolution - giving God my year. Love it!

Here's to getting back into the groove after a month of excesses!

Jen said...

YOu were freaking me out!! Whew. YOu go girl! You know you are worth it and so does your family!!