I had a so-so week. I think I only had one 1200 calorie day (goal was 3) and went over on my calories once or twice. I did do a pretty good job eating balanced meals. I am enjoying the consumption of my coffee again. Eating the huge bag of peanut m&ms was the low point this week but thankfully it did not drag out into other mistakes. I did get my 6 mile run in on Monday! Felt good to get that behind me. Mom and I ran together. She is planning to do the half also, so hopefully we can do our long runs together from here on out. I purchased my third pair of running shoes this week with my birthday money. That was by far and away the most money I have ever spent on shoes...probably on any one item of clothing in my entire life! But like the employee reminded me--it's a small price to pay for health. That is true. And good running shoes are essential!
The "giving up my coffee creamer" thing had me all out of whack. It was a pretty cool experience though. Even just going a couple weeks without it helped me to see the role it was playing for me. And it is a role I am okay with for now. So I added it back. It is part of what "works" for me.
It is amazing to me the difference in my mind since I decided to quit weighing. It feels like there is so much more space in my head now! Ha. Today I really noticed a "weight lifted," no pun intended. My mind kept wanting to think about weighing in tomorrow but then it would remember I'm not doing that and then just relax. I truly think that had I been planning to weigh in the morning I would have overeaten today. Amazing the way I am seeing this pattern now.
A few emotions stand out to me this week. The first emotion is powerlessness. The beginning of the week was marked with an unhealthy focus on the unmet expectations I had for my weigh-in last Sunday. It had me down and I could picture the week ending up badly as I was already thinking about the next weigh-in and what I would do if it wasn't the way I thought it should be. Then Wednesday night happened. Ever since I wrote that post and put the scale away I have felt excited. (PS--If you didn't read that post but plan to keep following along, I suggest reading it so you aren't lost. Sorry, it's long.) Excitement is the emotion I feel because this is a kind of freedom that is different than I've ever felt before. I am also so grateful! I believe this new way of doing things is a gift and I am thankful for it--whatever it may bring.
On February 9th I wrote a post about putting my scale away. (Link in previous paragraph) Later that day I sat down to have my daily quiet time and mistakenly turned to the January 9th entry in Jesus Calling instead of the February 9th entry. I just realized that discrepancy as I was preparing to write this post. I believe that in no way was that an accident or coincidence but rather a divine appointment. This is what I read:
I am with you and for you. When you decide on a course of action that is in line with my will, nothing on heaven or on earth can stop you, you may encounter many obstacles as you move toward your goal, but don't be discouraged--never give up! With my help, you can overcome any obstacle. Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand in hand with Me, but do remember that I, your very-present Helper, am omnipotent.
Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way, ask me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey.
Tears. Of. Joy. Thank you, Jesus!
PS--Jesus Calling is a devotional book in which the author shares her prayer journal as she spent a year focused on being more attentive to the Savior's voice and listening for what He was saying. The book shares the words that Jesus laid on her heart. The scripture references are interwoven into the daily devotionals. This particular day was from Romans 8:31, Psalm 46:1-3, Luke 1:37.